I was unable to meet this argument, and the result was that when I was away from her I too began to “thrash around” among the books in a vain search for a radical with a convincing and satisfying philosophy.  Thus we fly to literature in crises of the heart!  There was no lack of writers who sought to deal—­and deal triumphantly with the very situation in which I was immersed.  I marked many passages, to read them over to Nancy, who was interested, but who accused me of being willing to embrace any philosophy, ancient or modern, that ran with the stream of my desires.  It is worth recording that the truth of this struck home.  On my way back to the city I reflected that, in spite of my protests against Maude’s going—­protests wholly sentimental and impelled by the desire to avoid giving pain on the spot—­I had approved of her departure because I didn’t want her.  On the other hand I had to acknowledge if I hadn’t wanted Nancy, or rather, if I had become tired of her, I should have been willing to endorse her scruples....  It was not a comforting thought.

One morning when I was absently opening the mail I found at my office I picked up a letter from Theodore Watling, written from a seaside resort in Maine, the contents of which surprised and touched me, troubled me, and compelled me to face a situation with which I was wholly unprepared to cope.  He announced that this was to be his last term in the Senate.  He did not name the trouble his physician had discovered, but he had been warned that he must retire from active life.  “The specialist whom I saw in New York,” he went on, “wished me to resign at once, but when I pointed out to him how unfair this would be to my friends in the state, to my party as a whole—­especially in these serious and unsettled times—­he agreed that I might with proper care serve out the remainder of my term.  I have felt it my duty to write to Barbour and Dickinson and one or two others in order that they might be prepared and that no time may be lost in choosing my successor.  It is true that the revolt within the party has never gained much headway in our state, but in these days it is difficult to tell when and where a conflagration may break out, or how far it will go.  I have ventured to recommend to them the man who seems to me the best equipped to carry on the work I have been trying to do here—­in short, my dear Hugh, yourself.  The Senate, as you know, is not a bed of roses just now for those who think as we do; but I have the less hesitancy in making the recommendation because I believe you are not one to shun a fight for the convictions we hold in common, and because you would regard, with me, the election of a senator with the new views as a very real calamity.  If sound business men and lawyers should be eliminated from the Senate, I could not contemplate with any peace of mind what might happen to the country.  In thus urging you, I know you will believe me when I say that my affection and judgment are equally involved, for it would be a matter