FELIX:  I don’t like the way you say, “Oh, you’ll get it.”

HARVEY:  Oh, that’s all right.  And now whatever you do, act like a dog.

(FELIX tries to nip HARVEY’S leg, but he springs aside and says.)
Delighted.  Why, you’re commencing to feel like a dog already.

FELIX:  When do I get something to eat?

HARVEY:  Very shortly now.

(Sees MAYNARD coming from house.) Quick, put on your dog’s head, for here comes Mr. Maynard.

(Enter MAYNARD.)

MAYNARD:  (To HARVEY.) Well, sir, and what can I do for you?

HARVEY:  Your servant told me you were looking for a ferocious dog and I think I have an animal that will just suit you.

MAYNARD:  Yes, I do want a savage dog, and if you have such a beast we can do business together.

FELIX:  (Aside.) Now, I’m a beast.

(HARVEY kicks at FELIX to get him to shut up.)

HARVEY:  (Pointing to FELIX.) This animal is so ferocious that if anyone should come across his path at night when he is unchained he would tear him limb from limb.

MAYNARD:  (Noticing FELIX.) Is this the dog?

HARVEY:  (Rubbing his hands.) Yes, sir, and if you searched the world over, you couldn’t find a more savage high-bred animal.  He is full of animation.

MAYNARD:  (Scratching himself.) I think he is full of fleas.  But, tell me, what do you ask for him?

HARVEY:  One thousand dollars.

MAYNARD:  That’s a lot of money.

HARVEY:  Not for this dog.

MAYNARD:  Perhaps I ought to explain to you what I want the dog for.

HARVEY:  I daresay you feel lonely for a companion.

MAYNARD:  No, sir; I want a dog for my daughter, sir, to keep off a worthless, good-for-nothing dude who comes pestering around here after her because he knows that her father has a lot of money, and thinks that if he marries his daughter he can move to Easy Street.

HARVEY:  I see; he is looking for a soft snap.

MAYNARD:  That’s it, but I’ll fool him.  I want a dog that will chew him up into pieces if he ever dares to set his foot inside my garden gate again.

HARVEY:  My dog will suit you exactly.

MAYNARD:  But a thousand dollars is an awful lot of money.

HARVEY:  Not for this animal.  In the first place, you never have to feed him.

MAYNARD:  What’s that!  You mean to say that this dog goes without food?

HARVEY:  That’s the idea exactly.

(FELIX shows signs of disgust.  He can work up some funny business by taking off his mask whenever HARVEY and MAYNARD are talking together and quickly slipping it on again when he thinks their attention is directed towards him.)

MAYNARD:  Why, it’s preposterous.  You don’t suppose I would keep a dog around the house and never feed him?

HARVEY:  I tell you this dog never eats.