(Enter MRS. WILSON, from right.)

MRS. WILSON:  I must force a proposal of marriage out of Mr. Maynard today yet.  It’s true I don’t love him, but he’s got lots of money, and money is everything in this world.

(Enter CHLORINDA from house, crying.)

MRS. WILSON:  Why Chlorinda, what’s the matter?

CHLORINDA:  I’se just been down to the cemetery.

MRS. WILSON:  Well, you ought to laugh.

CHLORINDA:  Why, why should I laugh?

MRS. WILSON:  It’s the people who are in the cemetery and cannot get out who ought to be crying.

CHLORINDA:  Dat’s all very well, Mrs. Wilson, but I jes’ copied some of de inscriptions off de tombstones, and I tells you I feels awful mournful about it.

MRS. WILSON:  I don’t see why you should feel sad, Chlorinda.

CHLORINDA:  You don’t?  Well, jes’ listen to some of dese. (Reads from a stack of cards, one tombstone inscription being written on each card.)

“Here lies the body of Michael Burke, who lost his life while dodging work.”

“I loved my mother, I hated to leave her, but what can you do with the typhoid fever? "

“Mamma loves Papa, and Papa loves women; Mamma saw Papa with two girls in swimmin’.”

“Here lies the mother of 28; there might have been more, but now it’s too late.”

“Shed a few tears for Matty Mack, a trolley car hit her a slap in the back.”

“Here lies my poor wife much lamented.  She’s happy and—­well, I am contented.”

“Here lies the body of Martin Brown.  He was blown in the air and he never came down.”

“Willie Greene, sad regrets—­aged 9—­cigarettes.”

(Enter MR. MAYNARD from house.)

MAYNARD:  Won’t you step inside the house, Mrs. Wilson—­I mean
Alice—­and have a glass of birthday punch with the other ladies?

MRS. WILSON:  Delighted, I’m sure. (Exits into house.)

CHLORINDA:  Won’t I get punch, too?

MAYNARD:  Yes, if you don’t get back to your work, you’ll get a punch in the jaw in about another minute.

MAYNARD:  I hope some one comes along soon with a savage dog.  I’d rather go to Charlie Doolittle’s funeral than to a picnic. (Looks off toward house.) Ah, there is Mrs. Wilson.  How beautiful she is.  I think this is my golden chance to propose to her. (Exits into house.)

(Enter HARVEY at centre, pulling FELIX in by chain fastened around his neck.  FELIX now wears a dog’s head and body.)

HARVEY:  (Aside to FELIX.) Now remember, all you have got to do is to act like a savage dog, and after I collect the money from Mr. Maynard, you’ll get yours.

FELIX:  (Removing dog’s head.) I hope I don’t get it where I’ve got this collar.

HARVEY:  Oh, you’ll get it all right.

FELIX:  (Starting to leave stage.) I’m going home.

HARVEY:  (Catching him by chain.) Here, here, where are you going?