CHLORINDA:  Don’t say dat, massa, for Charlie’s uncle has jes’ died an’ left him fifty thousand dollars.

MAYNARD:  (Very much astonished.) How much did you say?

CHLORINDA:  Five hundred thousand dollars.

MAYNARD:  Five hundred thousand dollars?

CHLORINDA:  Yes, sah; five million dollars?

MAYNARD:  I always did like Charlie.

CHLORINDA:  But you jes’ said—­

MAYNARD:  Never mind what I just said.  I was only joking.  Here’s a dollar to keep your mouth shut.

(MAYNARD hands CHLORINDA a dollar.)

CHLORlNDA:  Yes, sah.

MAYNARD:  I consider Charlie Doolittle an exceptionally bright young man, and even if he didn’t have a dollar in the world I would still consider him an excellent match for my daughter.

CHLORINDA:  But you jes’ said he couldn’t even support a cock-roach.

MAYNARD:  Never mind about that.  Here’s another dollar. (Hands CHLORINDA another dollar.) And now, if you see Charlie Doolittle, tell him I want to see him right away.

CHLORINDA:  Yes, sah. (She exits at right.)

MAYNARD:  (Looking at empty pedestal.) I wonder what became of the statue?  I guess Chlorinda carried it into the barn because it looks like rain. (Enter CHARLIE from right.  He coughs to attract MAYNARD’S attention.)

CHARLIE:  Are you very angry at me, Mr. Maynard?

MAYNARD:  Angry at you, Charlie?  Why, how can you only imagine such a thing?  Have a cigar.

CHARLIE:  (Accepting the cigar with misgivings.) It isn’t loaded with dynamite, is it?

MAYNARD:  Certainly not.  I give you the cigar because I like you, Charlie, and I always have liked you.

CHARLIE:  It’s very kind of you to say that. (During these speeches, FELIX has sneaked back on the pedestal, still carrying the blackthorn stick.)

MAYNARD:  You have only to say the word and you can have anything I’ve got.

CHARLIE:  Can I have your daughter?

MAYNARD:  Why certainly, Charlie.  Just say the word and she’s yours.

CHARLIE:  It all seems like a dream. (Business of FELIX hitting MAYNARD on hat with stick and smashing it in.  MAYNARD thinks CHARLIE did it.)

MAYNARD:  Now see here, Charlie, as my future son-in-law, I want you to feel perfectly at home here, but there’s such a thing as carrying things too far.

CHARLIE:  Why, Mr. Maynard, what do you mean?

MAYNARD:  I saw you smash my hat just now, Charlie.

CHARLIE:  I didn’t smash your hat.

MAYNARD:  You didn’t smash my hat?

CHARLIE:  No; I didn’t smash your hat.

MAYNARD:  Well, somebody did.  However, as I was about to remark, you have but to name the day and I’ll give my daughter a wedding that will—­(FELIX smashes CHARLIE’S hat with stick.  CHARLIE thinks MAYNARD did it.)