MAYNARD and HARVEY:  (Both talking together.)

Don’t tell me to shut up.  I didn’t tell you to shut up.  Well, somebody did.

HARVEY:  I’m awful thirsty.

MAYNARD:  I’ll go into the house and get you a glass of wine.

FELIX:  Well, hurry up about it.

MAYNARD:  (Thinking HARVEY spoke.) I never heard such impudence in all my life.  Why, the idea!

(Exits into house.)

FELIX:  Yes, the idea.

HARVEY:  Well, I got the old fool’s money all right.

FELIX:  Where’s my share?

HARVEY:  (Laughing.) Now, who ever heard of a statue having mo-non-ey.

FELIX:  But you promised me half of the five hundred dollars.

HARVEY:  Well, suppose I did; you don’t expect me to keep my word, do you?  You’d be a pretty looking sight, carrying two hundred and fifty dollars around with you.  Why, I’d have to lay for you in some dark alley and take it away from you.  I want you to understand that I’m the wise guy of this combination and if you want any of my money, you’ve got to take it away from me. (HARVEY has taken a position just in front of FELIX, who is still on the pedestal.  FELIX slips his hand slyly into HARVEY’S pocket and takes all the money.)

HARVEY:  (Moving to centre exit.) Well, so long, Felix, so long, and remember, Felix, that money is the root of all evil.

(HARVEY exits.)

FELIX:  (Holding up roll of bills.) Well, I’ve extracted some of the root all right, all right. (FELIX exits at right.)

(Big SINGING NUMBER by VIOLA and ladies of company.)

(Then, MR. MAYNARD enters from the house.)

GOLDIE:  In behalf of all your friends who are assembled here today,
Mr. Maynard, I want to congratulate you on your birthday anniversary.

MAYNARD:  Ah, thank you, ladies, I appreciate your good wishes very much.

DORA:  I hope you will live to be a hundred years old.

MAYNARD:  (Laughing.) I hope so—­but why should the Lord take me for a hundred when he can get me at 70?

(OLD BLACK JOE comes ambling in from Right to melody of “Old Black
Joe.”)

MAYNARD:  Well, Old Black Joe, how are you feeling today?

JOE:  Well, Massa, I’se got rheumatiz in the lef’ shoulder—­an’ de lumbago in mah back—­an’ I don’ hear very well—­an’ ma teeth am troubling me some—­an’ mah eyes is going back on me—­an’ mah stomach ain’t as good as it used to be—­but otherwise, Massa, I’se feelin’ as sound as a nut.

MAYNARD:  What can I do for you, Old Black Joe?

JOE:  Massa, my mind ain’t as clear like it used ter be, but der’s one thing I ain’t never forgotten, and dat is your birthday university, so I’d feel powerful flattered if you would accept these few flowers what I picked myself. (Hands MAYNARD small bouquet.)

MAYNARD:  Of all the many gifts I will receive to-day, Old Black Joe, there is none that I will treasure more highly than these flowers.