FELIX:  Oh, a jackass defying the lightning.

HARVEY:  No, Ajax; but look sharp, for here comes Mr. Maynard now. 
Quick, jump on the pedestal.

(HARVEY hands stick to FELIX, who quickly jumps on pedestal and poses in funny position, as Maynard enters from right.)

MAYNARD:  (To HARVEY.) Well, sir, what can I do for you?

HARVEY:  You advertised for a statue, I believe.

MAYNARD:  I did, sir.

HARVEY:  Well, I think I’ve got just what you want—­“a jackass defying the lightning.”

MAYNARD:  What’s that?

HARVEY:  Excuse me, I mean “Ajax.” (Aside, and pointing to FELIX.)
That son of a gun has got me talking that way now.

MAYNARD:  I’ll be pleased to look at your statue.

HARVEY:  (Pointing to FELIX on pedestal.) Here it is, sir.

MAYNARD:  (After surveying it critically.) What material is the statue made of?

HARVEY:  Brass—­pure brass.

MAYNARD:  I think the statue will suit me except that the nose is a bit too long.

HARVEY:  Well, you can easily take off a piece with a hammer and chisel.

MAYNARD:  Why, so I can.  But here’s another objection.  Suppose thieves come around some night and steal the statue?

HARVEY:  All you have to do is to bore a hole through one of its legs, pass a chain through it and fasten to the pedestal. (FELIX works up this situation by comic mugging.)

MAYNARD:  A very good idea.  How much do you want for the statue?

HARVEY:  Five hundred dollars.

MAYNARD:  That’s a lot of money, but I think I shall buy it anyhow.

HARVEY:  Well, just hand over the five hundred, and the statue is yours. (MAYNARD and HARVEY move to a position in front of the statue.  MAYNARD takes a roll of bills from his pocket and in handling them, drops one.  As he bends forward to pick it up, FELIX pokes him with the stick, knocking him over frontwards.  MAYNARD thinks HARVEY has kicked him.)

MAYNARD:  (To Harvey.) What do you mean by kicking me, sir?

HARVEY:  Why, I didn’t kick you.

MAYNARD:  If I hadn’t set my heart on owning the statue, I’d call the deal off right now.

HARVEY:  (Starting to get a bit angry.) I tell you I didn’t kick you.

MAYNARD:  Well, don’t do it again.  Here’s your money. (MAYNARD hands HARVEY roll of bills, who counts it and lets the last bill fall on stage.  In stooping to pick it up, FELIX pokes HARVEY, causing him to fall over frontwards.  HARVEY thinks MAYNARD has kicked him.)

HARVEY:  (To MAYNARD.) A joke’s a joke, but this is going entirely too far.

MAYNARD:  What on earth are you talking about?

HARVEY:  You just kicked me.

MAYNARD:  I didn’t.

HARVEY:  You did.

MAYNARD:  I didn’t.

FELIX:  Shut up.