MAYNARD:  (Stepping suddenly to the front.) Well, what would you do?

CHARLIE:  I’d run like the devil. (Runs off stage at R.)

MAYNARD:  I’m going to keep that disgusting fellow off the premises if I have to notify the dog-catcher. (Notices pedestal.) Ever since a tornado knocked that statue off its pedestal, this garden has looked rather bare, so I’ve put an advertisement into the newspaper, offering five hundred dollars for a suitable statue to take its place.

(Mrs. Wilson enters from R. and coughs gently to attract MR. MAYNARD’S attention.)

MAYNARD:  (Turning around.) Why, Mrs. Wilson!

MRS. WILSON:  Good morning, Mr. Maynard!

(Both talking at the same time.) This is indeed a surprise.  I did not expect to see you as early as this.  How are you feeling?  Good?  That’s good.  Lovely day, isn’t it?

MAYNARD:  I have often wanted to ask you, Mrs. Wilson, where is your husband?

MRS. WILSON:  I don’t know.

MAYNARD:  What’s that, you don’t know where your husband is?

MRS. WILSON:  No; you see, he is dead—­

MAYNARD:  (Laughingly.) I understand.  Did he leave you much?

MRS. WILSON:  Yes, nearly every night.

MAYNARD:  No, no; I mean, did he leave you any property?

MRS. WILSON:  Yes, five small children, and believe me, Mr. Maynard, it’s hard to lose a husband when you have five children.  Do you think I ought to get another?

MAYNARD:  No; I think five are enough.

MRS. WILSON:  I see you will have your joke.

MAYNARD:  Are you fond of horses?

MRS. WILSON:  I love horses.

MAYNARD:  Well, come down to the stable and I’ll show you some of the finest thoroughbreds you ever looked at. (They both exit Right I.)

(Enter HARVEY SLICK and FELIX FAKE at centre; HARVEY carries a heavy blackthorn walking stick.)

HARVEY:  Now remember, you’re a statue.

FELIX:  You’re a liar.

HARVEY:  Don’t call me a liar.

FELIX:  Then don’t call me a statue.

HARVEY:  Don’t you understand, the guy what owns this plantation offers five hundred dollars for a statue and I’ve come to get the money.

FELIX:  But what have I got to do with all this?

HARVEY:  You’re the statue.

FELIX:  Go on; I never was a statue in my life.

HARVEY:  All you have to do is to get on that pedestal and stand perfectly still.

FELIX:  Oh, I just have to stand perfectly still.

HARVEY:  That’s the idea.  Don’t move a muscle.

FELIX:  But suppose a fly hops on my nose?

HARVEY:  Don’t notice it.

FELIX:  Or suppose some bad boys throw stones at me?

HARVEY:  Why, my boy, simply don’t notice it.

FELIX:  I don’t think I want the job.

HARVEY:  Why, of course you do.  The figure you are to represent is called “Ajax defying the lightning.”