MRS. SCHUYLER:  Come on—­let’s beat it—­(They all run off.  PHIL gets up to grab all the food, when DUDLEY is heard off, calling “Lena.”—­He flops back with a jump to same dead position on floor.  Finally gets up, grabs all the food and exits.  MRS. SCHUYLER re-enters.)

MRS. SCHUYLER:  He’s gone and he’s taken all the food with him. 
Quick, Mousta, clear away all these things. (Paul enters.)

PAUL:  Mrs. Schuyler, I’m really in love with Rose. (DOWLEH enters now in Persian dress clothes.)

DOWLEH:  Ah, Fatima—­can I see you alone? (DUDLEY enters.)

DUDLEY:  Oh, Lena, could I see you alone?

MRS. SCHUYLER:  If any more turn up, I’ll scream. (LETTY and BETTY run on, carrying a note.)

LETTY:  An important letter.

MRS. SCHUYLER:  (Opening it.) From my husband.

BETTY:  I’m afraid it’s bad news.

MRS. SCHUYLER:  Bad news!  P’raps he’s coming home earlier than I expected. (Reads:) “Dear Becky!”

ALL THE MEN:  Becky!

MRS. SCHUYLER:  Yes, we met at Arverne!  “I have heard of your carrying on with four old sweethearts:  Had it been one, I would have killed him quietly and let the matter drop, but four are too many.  I shall kill them all and divorce you.  Expect me at ten.—­Hamilton.”  Oh, gentlemen, this is awful—­Hamilton is unlike most men—­he means what he says—­

PAUL:  (Following.) But surely you can find a few more to help us defend ourselves.

MRS. SCHUYLER:  Ah, you don’t know Hamilton.  When he’s angry, an army couldn’t withstand him.

DOWLEH:  If your husband kills, I will kill him.

MRS. SCHUYLER:  Ah, that doesn’t worry me—­but he may cut my allowance.

DUDLEY:  (Following.) We must save you from such a fate.

MRS. SCHUYLER:  Save me?  You could!  If there was one among you brave enough to say:  “I am the only guy here ever loved your wife.  Kill me, but don’t cut her allowance.”

MEN:  (Going up stage.) Excuse me! (Waiter enters with straws in glass, from arbor.)

MRS. SCHUYLER:  Ah—­straws—­the very thing—­gentlemen.  (Takes them out of glasses.) Come—­choose—­whoever has the shortest straw is to show his courage and die for me—­who is it?  Who is it? (PHIL enters—­they see him—­drop straws—­and seize him.)

PAUL:  Phil!

MEN:  Ah!  Welcome to our city.  Welcome!  Welcome!

PHIL:  Is there any little thing I can do for you?

MRS. SCHUYLER:  Yes.  My husband will be here at any moment to kill these gentlemen and divorce me.  You can save us all by saying you are the only old sweetheart of mine here.

PHIL:  Excuse me!

MRS. SCHUYLER:  Oh, Benchie!  Think of your bench days when I used to sit on you—­

PHIL:  If you’d only sit on me now, I’d feel safer—­

PAUL:  Now don’t be a fool.  When he comes, say:  “I am the only man here ever had an affair with your wife.  What have you to say about it?”