Writing for Vaudeville eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 543 pages of information about Writing for Vaudeville.

Writing for Vaudeville eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 543 pages of information about Writing for Vaudeville.

DUGAN:  Nix on that bull.  You know what you stole.

EEL:  Yes, and I suppose you know what I stole before I stole it.

DUGAN:  With dips like you, I always look far ahead.

EEL:  Get out! you couldn’t look far enough ahead to see the ashes on your cigar.  Why, if it wasn’t for your stool pigeons—­

DUGAN:  That’s enough out of you.

EEL:  Oh, go chase yourself. (DUGAN smashes at EEL, who ducks around back of him.)

INSPECTOR:  Dugan!!! (When Dugan locates the EEL, he goes after him again.  MRS. WORTHINGTON screams.)

INSPECTOR:  None of that, Dugan!  Remember, he had no marks on him when you brought him in. (DUGAN crosses L. in front of EEL and looks off door L. in subdued rage.) A little more civility out of you, Bradley.

EEL:  All right, Inspector. (To MRS. W.) I beg your pardon, lady.

INSPECTOR:  You have been brought here as a suspect in a five thousand dollar jewelry theft which happened at the home of Mrs. Worthington last night. (EEL makes no move.) Circumstances point strongly in your direction.  Your former sweetheart, Goldie Marshall, was serving as maid to Mrs. Worthington at the time of the robbery.

EEL:  And you think I planted her there as a stall.

DUGAN:  Goldie spilled that much, and we didn’t, have to third degree her.

EEL:  So Goldie declared me in on this?

INSPECTOR:  She couldn’t help it, we knew it was a two-man’s job.

EEL:  She snitched me into a frame-up.

DUGAN:  Same as she did two years ago.

EEL:  Why say, Inspector, I ain’t seen Goldie since I was sprung from the Pen.

DUGAN:  Is that so?  I got it straight that the first place you mozied to was Goldie’s flat on East Broadway.  You were trailed.

EEL:  Sure I was, by one of you pathfinders at the Central Office. 
Oh, I’ve played tag with you before; Dugan, whatever you say, is.

INSPECTOR:  Then you admit—­

EEL:  I don’t admit nothin’.

INSPECTOR:  Be careful what you say.  Have you retained counsel?

EEL:  A mouthpiece!  What for?

INSPECTOR:  You’ve got to be represented.  Have you any money?

EEL:  Sure!  I left the hotel of Zebra clothed with a pocket full of smiles and a wad of joy. (INSPECTOR whispers for O’MARA to bring up GOLDIE.  O’MARA exits door L.)

INSPECTOR:  Well, the state will furnish you with an attorney.

EEL:  What, one of them record shysters?  Eighty years old and never won a case.  No, thanks, Inspector.  I’ll plead my own case; then I got at least a chance to beat this rap.

DUGAN:  You’d have a swell time pleading your own case.

EEL:  Yes, and believe me I’ll spring a sensation when I open up.  I’ll show up some of this rotten graft.  I’ll bust “The System " to smithereens.  Dugan, I won’t be railroaded—­(EEL crosses in rage L. to Dugan.)

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Writing for Vaudeville from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.