BIRDIE:  Yes, I, little Birdie—­Birdie on the spot.

MOE REISS:  Ah, you she-fiend, you lady demon! (Kisses her.)

GLADYS:  (Screams.) No, no! (Runs to him.) It’s all a plot!  A hideous plot to part us!  This man has complained to the S. P. C. A. that our little Phonsie has the heaves.  They are sending a horse ambulance to take him to the dump!  They’ll make glue out of his carcass! (To ALGERNON.) You see what you have done! (Beats him on back.) Tell my husband, you devil, tell him the truth!!!

ALGERNON:  (To MOE REISS) (C.) Well, if you must know the truth, your wife loves me and was forcing her caresses upon me when you entered.

MOE REISS:  It’s true then, it’s true?

PHONSIE:  (Sits up.) No, popper, it’s false, and I can prove it.

ALGERNON:  The child is delirious from the heaves!

PHONSIE:  I’ll heave you out of here in a minute.  Listen, popper, mommer’s done the best she could.  It ain’t easy to nurse a dying child who is liable to croak at any moment.  But she’s done that, popper, she’s often went without her dill pickle so I could have my spavin cure.  She thought I might get well and strong and maybe get a job as a safe mover.  But I’ve been so busy dying I couldn’t go to work. (Shakes fist at ALGERNON.) Don’t believe that man, popper; I’m dying, cross my heart if I ain’t dying, so I couldn’t tell a lie. (Back to bed.)

MOE REISS:  Oh, my boy!  My boy! (heart-brokenly.) (Hits PHONSIE.)

GLADYS:  Dh, Moe Reiss, don’t you believe him?

ALGERNON:  (Left of C.) Of course not, he saw you with your arms around my neck.

MOE REISS:  Yes, I saw it, I seen it.

BIRDIE:  I can swear to it, if necessary.

PHONSIE:  I can swear too, popper, want to hear me?

MOE REISS:  No, I have heard enough.  Now I intend to act. (Throws off coat, L.)

ALGERNON:  What do you mean?

MOE REISS:  I mean that either you or I will never leave this place alive.  For I tell you plainly, as sure as there is a poker game above us, I mean to kill you!

ALGERNON:  (Throws off coat and hat.) Well, if it’s a roughhouse you’re looking for, I’m right there with the goods. (Struggle.)

PHONSIE:  Give him an upper cut, popper, soak him!!!

BIRDIE:  Knife him, Algernon, knife him! (Has out her hat pin.) (During struggle, PHONSIE shoots three times.) (As they struggle to window, ALGERNON turns back, and PHONSIE sees [after third shot] his vest is a target and fires three times.  Bell on each shot.) Curse you, you’ve got me.  Here are your three cigars. (Falls dead, C.)

MOE REISS:  (Kneels and feels heart.) Dead!!!  Who could have done this?

PHONSIE:  Father, I cannot tell a lie, I done it with my little hatchet. (Shows big gun and a picture of George Washington.  All the others lift American flags and wave them.) (PHONSIE L. waving flag, MOE and GLADYS C. BIRDIE dead in chair R.)