BIRDIE:  (Over to ALGERNON.) Put me wise, is this true?

ALGERNON:  No, ’tis false, false as hell!!!!! (Points up.)

GLADYS:  It’s true, as true as heaven. (Points down.) I swear it.

ALGERNON:  (Crosses up to GLADYS.) Why, curse you, I’ll—­

GLADYS:  (With pistol.) Stand back!!!!!  I’m a desperate woman!!!!!

ALGERNON:  (Center.) Foiled, curse the luck, foiled by a mere slip of a girl.

BIRDIE:  What’s to be done?

ALGERNON:  (Yells.) Silence!!!! (Business.) Once aboard the lugger the girl must and shall be mine!!!!

BIRDIE:  But how do you propose to lug her there? (ALGERNON moves up to door.)

GLADYS:  Oh, I see it all.  You have brought this she-devil here to work off her bad gags on me.  Man, have you no heart?

ALGERNON:  (Comes down C.) Of course I have a heart.  I have also eyes, ears, nose, tongue and—­

BIRDIE:  Brains, calves’ brains—­breaded.

ALGERNON:  That will be about all from you.  Go, leave us!

BIRDIE:  Alone?

ALGERNON:  Alone!

GLADYS:  Alone!

PHONSIE:  (In sepulchral tone.) Oh, Gee!

BIRDIE:  But it’s hardly decent.  You need a tamer.

ALGERNON:  Go! (Crosses to R.) Go, I say, before it is too late.

BIRDIE:  Oh, there’s no hurry.  Every place is open.

ALGERNON:  Don’t sass me, Birdie Bedslatz, but clear out, scat!!!!

BIRDIE:  Ain’t he the awful scamp? (Starts to door.)

GLADYS:  (Clinging to her.) No, you cannot, must not go.  Don’t leave me alone with that piano mover.

BIRDIE:  I must go.  I have poison to buy. (At door.) Ah, Algernon O’Flaherty, if there was more men in the world like you, there’d be less women like me—­I just love to say that.  Ta—­ta. (PHONSIE blows pea-shooter at her as she Exits.  She screams and grabs cheek.)

ALGERNON:  (To GLADYS back.) So, proud beauty, at last we are alone!

GLADYS:  Inhuman monster!!!  What new villainy do you propose?

ALGERNON:  None, it’s all old stuff.  Listen, Gladys.  When I see you again, all the old love revives and I grow mad, mad.

GLADYS:  You dare to speak of love to me?  Why, from the first moment I saw you, I despised you.  And now I tell you to your face that I hate and loathe you, for the vile, contemptible wretch that you are.

ALGERNON:  (Center.) Be careful, girl!  I can give you wealth, money, jewels—­jewels fit for a king’s ransom.

GLADYS:  (Runs into his arms.) Oh, you can—­Where are they?

ALGERNON:  They are in hock for the moment, but see, here are the tickets.  I shall get them out, anon.

GLADYS:  Dastardly wretch!!!!!  With your pawn tickets to try and cop out a poor sewing girl. (Up at door.) There is the door, go!  (Points other way.)