STRAIGHT:  I get them because I am a gentlemen.

COMEDIAN:  Then I’m glad I am a rummy.

STRAIGHT:  Sure you’re a rummy.  If you wasn’t a rummy, you’d have esprit.

COMEDIAN:  Oh, I had a spree lots of times.

STRAIGHT:  Not a spree.  I mean esprit.  I mean you ain’t got no refinement—­like me.  I got polish.

COMEDIAN:  You’re a shine.

STRAIGHT:  No, I ain’t a shine.  I am a lady killer.

COMEDIAN:  One look at you is enough to kill any lady.

STRAIGHT:  I am a Beau Brummel.  Ven I am with the ladies, I talk to dem vit soft words; I whisper sweet nothings, but you, you rummy you, you don’t know how to make the ladies feel unhappy.

COMEDIAN:  How do you make them unhappy?

STRAIGHT:  You got to be disagreeable to them.

COMEDIAN:  And vat do you do to be disagreeable to ladies?

STRAIGHT:  The only vay to be disagreeable to a lady, you got to flirt vit her.

COMEDIAN:  Flirt.  Vat does that mean flirt?

STRAIGHT:  Flirting is a thing that begins in nothing.  You say something, you talk like everything and you mean nothing, and it liable to end up in anything.  A flirtation is a clan-destination meeting with a lady.

COMEDIAN:  Vat kind of a meeting is dot?

STRAIGHT:  Don’t you know?  Ven you flirt, you meet a pretty woman in a shady spot.

COMEDIAN:  Oh, you meet a shady woman in a pretty spot.

STRAIGHT:  Not a shady woman.  A pretty woman in a shady spot.

COMEDIAN:  How do you know so much about flirting?

STRAIGHT:  Now you come to it.  I got here a book on the art of flirtation.  Here it is. (biz. shows book.)

COMEDIAN:  What is the name of that book?

STRAIGHT:  The art of flirtation.  How to make a lady fall in love with you for ten cents.

COMEDIAN:  A lady fell in love with me once and it cost me Five
Hundred Dollars.

STRAIGHT:  That’s because you didn’t have this book.  This book tells you how to make love.  This book is full of the finest kind of love.

COMEDIAN:  For ten cents.

STRAIGHT:  Yes, for ten cents.

COMEDIAN:  Oh, it’s ten cents love.

STRAIGHT:  No, it ain’t ten-cent love.  It’s fine love (opens book).  See—­here is the destructions.  Right on the first page you learn something.  See—­how to flirt with a handkerchief.

COMEDIAN:  Who wants to flirt with a handkerchief?  I want to flirt with a woman.

STRAIGHT:  Listen to what the book says.  To a flirter all things have got a language.  According to this book, flirters can speak with the eye, with the fan, with the cane, with the umbrella, with the handkerchief, with anything.  This book tells you how to do it.

COMEDIAN:  For ten cents.

STRAIGHT:  Shut up.  Now when you see a pretty woman coming along who wants to flirt with you, what is the first thing a man should do?