By ladder, and a servant’s aid,
To reach the chamber of the maid. 
To tell how often they embraced,
How changed in form their tenderness,
Would lead to nothing but a waste
Of time, my readers will confess. 
The longest, most abstruse discourse
Would lack precision, want the force
Their youthful ardour to portray. 
To understand there’s but one way—­
Experience.  The nightingale
Sang all night long his pleasing tale,
And though he made but little noise,
The lass was satisfied.  Her joys
So exquisite that she averred
The other nightingale, the bird
Who warbles to the woods his bliss,
Was but an ass compared with this. 
But nature could not long maintain
Of efforts such as these the strain;
Their forces spent, the lovers twain
In fond embrace fell fast asleep
Just as the dawn began to peep: 
The father as he left his bed
By curiosity was led
To learn if Kitty soundly slept,
And softly to the passage crept. 
“I’ll see the influence,” he said,
“Of nightingale and change of bed.” 
With bated breath, upon tip toes,
Close to the couch he cautious goes
Where Kitty lay in calm repose. 
Excessive heat had made all clothes
Unbearable.  The sleeping pair
Had cast them off, and lay as bare
As our first happy parents were
In Paradise.  But in the place
Of apple, in her willing hand
Kate firmly grasp the magic wand
Which served to found the human race,
The which to name were a disgrace,
Though dames the most refined employ it;
Desire it, and much enjoy it,
If good Catullus tells us true. 
The father scarce believed his view,
But keeping in his bosom pent
His anger, to his wife he went,
And said, “Get up, and come with me. 
“At present I can plainly see
“Why Kate had such anxiety
“To hear the nightingale, for she
“To catch the bird so well has planned
“That now she holds him in her hand.” 
The mother almost wept for glee. 
“A nightingale, oh! let me see. 
“How large is he, and can he sing,
“And will he breed, the pretty thing? 
“How did she catch him, clever child?”
Despite his grief the good man smiled. 
“Much more than you expect you’ll see. 
“But hold your tongue, and come with me;
“For if your chattering is heard,
“Away will fly the timid bird;
“And you will spoil our daughter’s game.” 
Who was surprised?  It was the dame. 
Her anger burst into a flame
As she the nightingale espied
Which Kitty held; she could have cried,
And scolded, called her nasty slut,
And brazen hussey, bitch, and—­but
Her husband stopped her.  “What’s the use
“Of all your scolding and abuse? 
“The mischief’s done, in vain may you
“From now till doomsday fret and stew,
“Misfortune done you can’t undo,
“But something may be done to mend: 
“For notary this instant send,
“Bid holy priest and mayor attend.