’It was that hog, I believe.  And then Mr. Beeton.  But where does the hog come in?  Why should you weep over him?  And what are the Lady’s Observations on the Common Hog?’

‘Read them for yourself.’

Frank read out aloud:  ’"The hog belongs to the order Mammalia, the genus sus scrofa, and the species pachydermata, or thick-skinned.  Its generic characters are a long, flexible snout, forty-two teeth, cloven feet, furnished with four toes, and a tail, which is small, short, and twisted, while, in some varieties, this appendage is altogether wanting.” —­But what on earth has all this to do with housekeeping?’

’That’s what I want to know.  It is so disheartening to have to remember such things.  What does it matter if the hog has forty-two toes.  And yet, if Mrs. Beeton knew it, one feels that one ought to know it also.  If once I began to skip, there would be no end to it.  But it really is such a splendid book in other ways.  It doesn’t matter what you want, you will find it here.  Take the index anywhere.  Cream.  If you want cream, it’s all there.  Croup.  If you want—­I mean, if you don’t want croup, it will teach you how not to get it.  Crumpets—­all about them.  Crullers—­I’m sure you don’t know what a cruller is, Frank.’

‘No, I don’t.’

’Neither do I. But I could look it up and learn.  Here it is—­ paragraph 2847.  It is a sort of pancake, you see.  That’s how you learn things.’

Frank Crosse took the book and dropped it.  It fell with a sulky thud upon the floor.

’Nothing that it can teach you, dear, can ever make up to me if it makes you cry, and bothers you.—­You bloated, pedantic thing!’ he cried, in sudden fury, aiming a kick at the squat volume.  ’It is to you I owe all those sad, tired looks which I have seen upon my wife’s face.  I know my enemy now.  You pompous, fussy old humbug, I’ll kick the red cover off you!’

But Maude snatched it up, and gathered it to her bosom.  ’No, no, Frank, I don’t know what I should do without it.  You have no idea what a wise old book it is.  Now, sit there on the footstool at my feet, and I will read to you.’

‘Do, dear; it’s delightful.’

’Sit quiet, then, and be good.  Now listen to this pearl of wisdom:  “As with the commander of an army, so it is with the mistress of a house.  Her spirit will be seen through the whole establishment, and, just in proportion as she performs her duties thoroughly, so will her domestics follow in her path."’

‘From which it follows,’ said her husband, ’that Jemima must be a perfect paragon.’

’On the contrary, it explains all Jemima’s shortcomings.  Listen to this:  “Early rising is one of the most essential qualities.  When a mistress is an early riser, it is almost certain that her house will be orderly and well managed."’

‘Well, you are down at nine—­what more do you want?’