Jonathan.  Yes, you have made a husband of me.

Laetitia.  No, you made yourself so; for I repeat once more it was not my desire, but your own.

Jonathan.  You should think yourself obliged to me for that desire.

Laetitia.  La, sir! you was not so singular in it.  I was not in despair.  I have had other offers, and better too.

Jonathan.  I wish you had accepted them with all my heart.

Laetitia.  I must tell you, Mr. Wild, this is a very brutish manner in treating a woman to whom you have such obligations; but I know how to despise it, and to despise you too for shewing it me.  Indeed I am well enough paid for the foolish preference I gave to you.  I flattered myself that I should at least have been used with good manners.  I thought I had married a gentleman; but I find you every way contemptible and below my concern.

Jonathan.  D—­n you, madam, have I not more reason to complain when you tell me you married for your convenience only?

Laetitia.  Very fine truly.  Is it behaviour worthy a man to swear at a woman?  Yet why should I mention what comes from a wretch whom I despise.

Jonathan.  Don’t repeat that word so often.  I despise you as heartily as you can me.  And, to tell you a truth, I married you for my convenience likewise, to satisfy a passion which I have now satisfied, and you may be d—­d for anything I care.

Laetitia.  The world shall know how barbarously I am treated by such a villain.

Jonathan.  I need take very little pains to acquaint the world what a b—­ch you are, your actions will demonstrate it.

Laetitia.  Monster!  I would advise you not to depend too much on my sex, and provoke me too far; for I can do you a mischief, and will, if you dare use me so, you villain!

Jonathan.  Begin whenever you please, madam; but assure yourself, the moment you lay aside the woman, I will treat you as such no longer; and if the first blow is yours, I promise you the last shall be mine.

Laetitia.  Use me as you will; but d—­n me if ever you shall use me as a woman again; for may I be cursed if ever I enter into your bed more.

Jonathan.  May I be cursed if that abstinence be not the greatest obligation you can lay upon me; for I assure you faithfully your person was all I had ever any regard for; and that I now loathe and detest as much as ever I liked it.

Laetitia.  It is impossible for two people to agree better; for I always detested your person; and as for any other regard, you must be convinced I never could have any for you.

Jonathan.  Why, then, since we are come to a right understanding, as we are to live together, suppose we agreed, instead of quarrelling and abusing, to be civil to each other.

Laetitia.  With all my heart.

Jonathan.  Let us shake hands then, and henceforwards never live like man and wife; that is, never be loving nor ever quarrel.