“This is the doctor of the regiment, sir, that you desired to see,” said my tall coadjutor.

“Oh! then very well; good morning, sir.  I suppose you will find out something new the matter, for them two there have been doing so every day this two months.”

“I trust, sir,” I replied stiffly, “that with the assistance of my learned friends, much may be done for you.  Ha! hem!  So this is the malady.  Turn your head a little to that side;” here an awful groan escaped the sick man, for I, it appears, had made considerable impression upon rather a delicate part, not unintentionally I must confess; for as I remembered Hoyle’s maxim at whist, “when in doubt play a trump,” so I thought it might be true in physic, when posed by a difficulty to do a bold thing also.  “Does that hurt you, sir?” said I in a soothing and affectionate tone of voice.  “Like the devil,” growled the patient.  “And here?” said I.  “Oh! oh!  I can’t bear it any longer.”  “Oh!  I perceive,” said I, “the thing is just as I expected.”  Here I raised my eyebrows, and looked indescribably wise at my confreres.

“No aneurism, doctor,” said the tall one.

“Certainly not.”

“Maybe,” said the short man, “maybe it’s a stay-at-home-with-us tumour after all;” so at least he appeared to pronounce a confounded technical, which I afterwards learned was “steatomatous;” conceiving that my rosy friend was disposed to jeer at me, I gave him a terrific frown, and resumed, “this must not be touched.”

“So you won’t operate upon it,” said the patient.

“I would not take a thousand pounds and do so,” I replied.  “Now if you please gentlemen,” said I, making a step towards the door, as if to withdraw for consultation; upon which they accompanied me down stairs to the breakfast-room.  As it was the only time in my life I had performed in this character, I had some doubts as to the propriety of indulging a very hearty breakfast appetite, not knowing if it were unprofessional to eat; but from this doubt my learned friends speedily relieved me, by the entire devotion which they bestowed for about twenty minutes upon ham, rolls, eggs, and cutlets, barely interrupting these important occupations by sly allusions to the old gentleman’s malady, and his chance of recovery.

“Well, doctor,” said the pale one, as at length he rested from his labours, “what are we to do?”

“Ay,” said the other, “there’s the question.”

“Go on,” said I, “go on as before; I can’t advise you better.”  Now, this was a deep stroke of mine; for up to the present moment I do not know what treatment they were practising; but it looked a shrewd thing to guess it, and it certainly was civil to approve of it.

“So you think that will be best.”

“I am certain—­I know nothing better,” I answered.

“Well, I’m sure, sir, we have every reason to be gratified for the very candid manner you have treated us.  Sir, I’m your most obedient servant,” said the fat one.