I cannot convey any idea of poor Kilkee’s distraction; and, in reality, my own was little short of it; for the wretch had so far out-stripped my orders, that I became horrified at the cruel destruction before me.  We both, therefore, stormed in the most imposing English and French, first separately and then together.  We offered a reward for the apprehension of the culprit, whom no one appeared to know, although, as it happened, every one in a large household was aware of the transaction but the proprietor himself.  We abused all—­innkeeper, waiters, ostlers, and chambermaids, collectively and individually—­condemned Calais as a den of iniquity, and branded all Frenchmen as rogues and vagabonds.  This seemed to alleviate considerably my friend’s grief, and excite my thirst —­fortunately, perhaps for us; for if our eloquence had held out much longer, I am afraid our auditory might have lost their patience; and, indeed, I am quite certain if our French had not been in nearly as disjointed a condition as the spokes of the caleche, such must have been the case.

“Well, Mr. Lorrequer, I suppose, then, we are not destined to be fellow-travellers—­for if you must go to-morrow—­”

“Alas!  It is imperative,” said I.

“Then in any case, let us arrange where we shall meet, for I hope to be in Paris the day after you.”

“I’ll stop at Meurice.”

“Meurice, be it,” said he, “so now good night, till we meet in Paris.”

EBOOK EDITOR’S BOOKMARKS: 

A c’est egal, mam’selle, they don’t mind these things in France
Accustomed to the slowness and the uncertainty of the law
Delectable modes of getting over the ground through life
Disputing “one brandy too much” in his bill
Enjoy the name without the gain
Listen to reason, as they would call it in Ireland
Nothing ever makes a man so agreeable as the belief that he is
Rather better than people with better coats on them
Sixteenthly, like a Presbyterian minister’s sermon
The “fat, fair, and forty” category
Whiskey, the appropriate liquor in all treaties of this nature