punish me, but let me first commit the offense!’ So he laughed, and didn’t question my witnesses very carefully—­one was a Jew, the other an ex-German, and either of them would swear to anything at half price for a quantity—­and they kissed the Book and committed perjury—­and lo and behold, I was English as you are—­English without troubling a midwife or the parson!  Five pounds for the ‘beak’ at Bow Street—­fifty for the witnesses—­fifty-five all told—­and cheap at the price!  I had money in those days.  It was after our short war with Turkey.  We Greeks got beaten, but the Turks did not get all the loot!  By prison and gallows, no!  When our men ran before a battle, I did not run—­not I!  I remained, and by Croesus I grew richer in an hour than I have ever been since!”

“That’s two countries,” said I.  “Which is the third that has the honor to claim your allegiance?”

“Honor is right!” he answered with a proud smile.  I, Georges Coutlass, have honored three flags!  I am a credit to all three countries!  The third is America—­the U. S. A. You might say that is the corollary of being English—­the natural, logical, correct sequence!  The U. S. laws are strict, but their politics were devised for—­what is it the preachers call it—­ah, yes, for straining out gnats and swallowing camels.  By George Washington they would swallow a house on fire!  There was a federal election shortly due.  One of the parties—­Democratic—­Republican—­I forget which—­maybe both!—­needed new voters.  The law says it takes five years to become a citizen.  Politics said fifteen minutes!  The politicians paid the fees too!  I was a citizen—­a voter—­an elector of presidents before I had been ashore three months, and I had sold my vote three times over within a month of that!  They had me registered under three names in three separate wards!  I didn’t need the money—­I had plenty in those days—­I gave the six dollars I received for my votes to the Holy Church, and voted the other way to save my conscience; but the fun of the thing appealed!  By Gassharamminy!  I can’t take life the way the copy-books lay down!  I have to break laws or else break heads!  But I love America!  I fought and bled for America!  By Abraham Lincoln, I fought those Spaniards until I don’t doubt they wished I had stayed in Greece!  Yes, I left that middle finger in Cuba—­shot through the left hand by a Don, think of it, a Don!  When I came out of hospital—­and I never saw anything worse than that hot hell!—­I got myself attached to the commissariat, and the pickings were none so bad.  Had to hand over too much, though.  That is the worst of America, there is no genuine liberty.  You have to steal for the man higher up.  If you keep more than ten per cent., he squeals.  He has to pass most of it on again to some one else, and so on, and they all land in jail in course of time!  Give me a country where a man can keep what he finds!  There was talk about congressional inquiries.  Then a friend of mine—­a Greek—­who had been out here told me of Tippoo Tib’s ivory, and it looked all right to me to change scenes for a while.  I had citizenship papers—­U.  S., and English, and a Greek passport in case of accident.  Traveling looked good to me.”