“You are an active young fellow, nephew,” said he.  “Do you not think that you could engage to climb round the furniture of an ordinary room without setting foot upon the ground?  Some little tour-de-force of the sort is in excellent taste.  There was a captain in the Guards who attained considerable social success by doing it for a small wager.  Lady Lieven, who is exceedingly exigeant, used to invite him to her evenings merely that he might exhibit it.”

I had to assure him that the feat would be beyond me.

“You are just a little difficile,” said he, shrugging his shoulders.  “As my nephew, you might have taken your position by perpetuating my own delicacy of taste.  If you had made bad taste your enemy, the world of fashion would willingly have looked upon you as an arbiter by virtue of your family traditions, and you might without a struggle have stepped into the position to which this young upstart Brummell aspires.  But you have no instinct in that direction.  You are incapable of minute attention to detail.  Look at your shoes!  Look at your cravat!  Look at your watch-chain!  Two links are enough to show.  I have shown three, but it was an indiscretion.  At this moment I can see no less than five of yours.  I regret it, nephew, but I do not think that you are destined to attain that position which I have a right to expect from my blood relation.”

“I am sorry to be a disappointment to you, sir,” said I.

“It is your misfortune not to have come under my influence earlier,” said he.  “I might then have moulded you so as to have satisfied even my own aspirations.  I had a younger brother whose case was a similar one.  I did what I could for him, but he would wear ribbons in his shoes, and he publicly mistook white Burgundy for Rhine wine.  Eventually the poor fellow took to books, and lived and died in a country vicarage.  He was a good man, but he was commonplace, and there is no place in society for commonplace people.”

“Then I fear, sir, that there is none for me,” said I.  “But my father has every hope that Lord Nelson will find me a position in the fleet.  If I have been a failure in town, I am none the less conscious of your kindness in trying to advance my interests, and I hope that, should I receive my commission, I may be a credit to you yet.”

“It is possible that you may attain the very spot which I had marked out for you, but by another road,” said my uncle.  “There are many men in town, such as Lord St. Vincent, Lord Hood, and others, who move in the most respectable circles, although they have nothing but their services in the Navy to recommend them.”