Something I must make up my mind to do, and that speedily.  I can get honour in Science, but it doesn’t pay, and “honour heals no wounds.”  In truth I am often very weary.  The longer one lives the more the ideal and the purpose vanishes out of one’s life, and I begin to doubt whether I have done wisely in giving vent to the cherished tendency towards Science which has haunted me ever since my childhood.  Had I given myself to Mammon I might have been a respectable member of society with large watch-seals by this time.  I think it is very likely that if this King’s College business goes against me, I may give up the farce altogether—­burn my books, burn my rod, and take to practice in Australia.  It is no use to go on kicking against the pricks...

CHAPTER 1.8.

1854.

[The year 1854 marks the turning-point in Huxley’s career.  The desperate time of waiting came to an end.  By the help of his lectures and his pen, he could at all events stand and wait independently of the Navy.  He could not, of course, think of immediate marriage, nor of asking Miss Heathorn to join him in England; but it so happened that her father was already thinking of returning home, and finally this was determined upon just before Professor Forbes’ translation to a chair at Edinburgh gave Huxley what turned out to be the long-hoped-for permanency in London.]

June 3, 1854.

I have often spoken to you of my friend Edward Forbes.  He has quite recently been suddenly appointed to a Professorial Chair in Edinburgh, vacated by the death of old Jamieson.  He was obliged to go down there at once and lecture, and as he had just commenced his course at the Government School of Mines in Jermyn Street, it was necessary to obtain a substitute.  He had spoken to me of the possibility of his being called away long ago, and had asked if I would take his place, to which, of course, I assented, but the whole affair was so uncertain that I never in any way reckoned upon it.  Even at last I did not know on the Monday whether I was to go on for him on the Friday or not.  However, he did go after giving two lectures, and on Friday the 25th May I took his lecture, and I have been going on ever since, twice a week on Mondays and Fridays.  Called upon so very suddenly to give a course of some six and twenty lectures, I find it very hard work, but I like it and I never was in better health.

[On July 20, this temporary work, which he had undertaken as the friend of Forbes, was exchanged for one of the permanent lectureships formerly held by the latter.  A hundred a year for twenty-six lectures was not affluence; it would have suited him better to have had twice the work and twice the pay.  But it was his crossing of the Rubicon, and, strangely enough, no sooner had he gained this success than it was doubled.]

July 30, 1854.