past year, was, John thinks, the real reason of his
being unable to rally when the fever had brought him
down, after the dreadful exertion at Abville.
Dear fellow, he never let us guess how much his patience
cost him. I think we had looked to John’s
arrival as if it would act like magic, and it was
very sore disappointment when his treatment was producing
no change for the better, but the prostration went
on day after day. Poor Bobus was in utter despair,
and went raging about, declaring that he had been
a fool ever to expect anything from Kencroft, and at
last he had to be turned out of the sick-room.
For I should tell you that the one thing that kept
me up was the entire calm grave composure that John
preserved throughout, and which gave him the entire
command. He never showed any consternation or
dismay, nor uttered an augury, but he went quietly
and vigilantly on, in a manner that all along gave
me a strange sense of confidence and trust, that all
that could be done was being done, and the issue was
in higher hands. He would not let anyone really
help him but Sister Dorothea, with her trained skill
as a nurse. I don’t think even I should
have been suffered in the room, if he had not thought
Jock might be more conscious than was apparent, for
he had not himself received one token of recognition
all those three days. Poor Bobus! the little
gleam of light that Jock had let in on him seemed all
gone. I do not know what would have become of
him but for the good Ashtons. He had been persuaded
for a time that what was so real to Jock must be true;
but when Jock was no longer conscious, he had nothing
to help him, and I am afraid he spoke terrible words
when Primrose talked of prayer and faith. I
believe he declared that to see one like his brother
snatched away when just come to the perfection of his
early manhood, with all his capacity and all his knowledge
in vain, convinced him either that this universe was
one grim, pitiless machine, grinding down humanity
by mere law of necessity, or if they would have it
that there was supernatural power, it could only be
malevolent; and then Primrose, so strong in faith as
to venture what I should have shrunk from as dangerous
presumption, dared him to go on in his disbelief,
if his brother were given back to prayer.
“She pitied him so much, the sweet bright girl,
she had so pitied him all along, that I believe she
prayed as much for him as for Jock.
“Of course I did not know all this till afterwards,
for all was stillness in that room, except when at
times the clergyman came in and prayed.
“The next thing I am sure of, was John’s
leaning over me, and his low steady voice saying,
’The pulse is better, the symptoms are mitigating.’
Sister Dorothea says they had both seen it for some
hours, but he made her a sign not to agitate me till
he was secure that the improvement was real.
Indeed there was something in that equable firm gentleness
of John’s that sustained me, and prevented my
breaking down. Even then it was another whole
day before my darling smiled at me again, and said,
‘Thanks’ to John, but oh! with such a
look.