B. B. No doubt; always provided, mind you, that you have a sound scientific theory to correlate your observations at the bedside.  Mere experience by itself is nothing.  If I take my dog to the bedside with me, he sees what I see.  But he learns nothing from it.  Why?  Because he’s not a scientific dog.

Walpole.  It amuses me to hear you physicians and general practitioners talking about clinical experience.  What do you see at the bedside but the outside of the patient?  Well:  it isnt his outside thats wrong, except perhaps in skin cases.  What you want is a daily familiarity with people’s insides; and that you can only get at the operating table.  I know what I’m talking about:  Ive been a surgeon and a consultant for twenty years; and Ive never known a general practitioner right in his diagnosis yet.  Bring them a perfectly simple case; and they diagnose cancer, and arthritis, and appendicitis, and every other itis, when any really experienced surgeon can see that it’s a plain case of blood-poisoning.

Blenkinsop.  Ah, it’s easy for you gentlemen to talk; but what would you say if you had my practice?  Except for the workmen’s clubs, my patients are all clerks and shopmen.  They darent be ill:  they cant afford it.  And when they break down, what can I do for them?  You can send your people to St Moritz or to Egypt, or recommend horse exercise or motoring or champagne jelly or complete change and rest for six months.  I might as well order my people a slice of the moon.  And the worst of it is, I’m too poor to keep well myself on the cooking I have to put up with.  Ive such a wretched digestion; and I look it.  How am I to inspire confidence? [He sits disconsolately on the couch].

Ridgeon [restlessly] Dont, Blenkinsop:  its too painful.  The most tragic thing in the world is a sick doctor.

Walpole.  Yes, by George:  its like a bald-headed man trying to sell a hair restorer.  Thank God I’m a surgeon!

B. B. [sunnily] I am never sick.  Never had a day’s illness in my life.  Thats what enables me to sympathize with my patients.

Walpole [interested] What! youre never ill?

B. B. Never.

Walpole.  Thats interesting.  I believe you have no nuciform sac.  If you ever do feel at all queer, I should very much like to have a look.

B. B. Thank you, my dear fellow; but I’m too busy just now.

Ridgeon.  I was just telling them when you came in, Blenkinsop, that I have worked myself out of sorts.

Blenkinsop.  Well, it seems presumptuous of me to offer a prescription to a great man like you; but still I have great experience; and if I might recommend a pound of ripe greengages every day half an hour before lunch, I’m sure youd find a benefit.  Theyre very cheap.

Ridgeon.  What do you say to that B. B.?

B. B. [encouragingly] Very sensible, Blenkinsop:  very sensible indeed.  I’m delighted to see that you disapprove of drugs.