Jack. [With a shamefaced smile.] No.

Magistrate.  Very well, then——­

Jack. [Desperately.] The fact of the matter is, sir, I’m afraid
I’d had too much champagne that night.

Magistrate. [Smiling.] Oh! you’d had too much champagne?

Jones.  May I ask the gentleman a question?

Magistrate.  Yes—­yes—­you may ask him what questions you like.

Jones.  Don’t you remember you said you was a Liberal, same as your father, and you asked me wot I was?

Jack. [With his hand against his brow.] I seem to remember——­

Jones.  And I said to you, “I’m a bloomin’ Conservative,” I said; an’ you said to me, “You look more like one of these ’ere Socialists.  Take wotever you like,” you said.

Jack. [With sudden resolution.] No, I don’t.  I don’t remember anything of the sort.

Jones.  Well, I do, an’ my word’s as good as yours.  I ’ve never been had up in a police court before.  Look ’ere, don’t you remember you had a sky-blue bag in your ’and [Barthwick jumps.]

Roper.  I submit to your worship that these questions are hardly to the point, the prisoner having admitted that he himself does not remember anything. [There is a smile on the face of Justice.] It is a case of the blind leading the blind.

Jones. [Violently.] I’ve done no more than wot he ’as.  I’m a poor man; I’ve got no money an’ no friends—­he ’s a toff—­he can do wot I can’t.

Magistrate:  Now, now?  All this won’t help you—­you must be quiet.  You say you took this box?  Now, what made you take it?  Were you pressed for money?

Jones.  I’m always pressed for money.

Magistrate.  Was that the reason you took it?

Jones.  No.

Magistrate. [To snow.] Was anything found on him?

Snow.  Yes, your worship.  There was six pounds twelve shillin’s found on him, and this purse.

     [The red silk purse is handed to the magistrate.  Barthwick
     rises his seat, but hastily sits down again.]

Magistrate. [Staring at the purse.] Yes, yes—­let me see [There is a silence.] No, no, I ’ve nothing before me as to the purse.  How did you come by all that money?

Jones. [After a long pause, suddenly.] I declines to say.

Magistrate.  But if you had all that money, what made you take this box?

Jones.  I took it out of spite.

Magistrate. [Hissing, with protruded neck.] You took it out of spite?  Well now, that’s something!  But do you imagine you can go about the town taking things out of spite?

Jones.  If you had my life, if you’d been out of work——­

Magistrate.  Yes, yes; I know—­because you’re out of work you think it’s an excuse for everything.