Seven years to-day have I been a free man.

Feeling at peace with all the world I called this afternoon on my Aunt Jessica, Mrs. Ordeyne, who has borne me no malice for stepping into the place that should have been the inheritance of her husband and of her son.  Rather has she devised to adopt me, to guide my ambitions and to point out my duties as the head of the house.  If I refuse to be adopted, avoid ambitions and disclaim duties, the fault lies not with her good-will.  She is a well-preserved worldly woman of fifty-five, and having begun to dye her hair in the peroxide of hydrogen era has not the curiosity to abandon the practice and see what colour will result.  I wish I could like her.  I can’t.  She purrs.  Some day I feel she will scratch.  She received me graciously.

“My dear Marcus.  At last!  Didn’t you know I have been in town ever since Easter?”

“No,” said I.  “I am afraid I didn’t.”  Which was true.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I would have asked you to dinner, but you will never come.  As for At Home cards I never dream of sending them to you.  It is a waste of precious half-penny stamps.”

“You might have written me a nice little letter about nothing at all,” I suggested.

“For you to say ’What is that woman worrying me with her silly letters for?’ I know what you men are.”  She looked arch.

This is precisely what I should have said.  As I am not an inventive liar, I could only smile feebly.  I am never at my ease with Aunt Jessica.  I am not the kind of person to afford her entertainment.  I do not belong to her world of opulence, and if even I desired it, which the gods forbid, my means would not enable me to make the necessary display.  My uncle, thinking to retrieve the fallen fortunes of the title, amassed enormous wealth as a company promoter, while I, on whom the title has descended, am perfectly contented with its fallen fortunes.  I have scarcely a thought or taste in common with my aunt.  In fact, I must bore her exceedingly.  Yet she hides her boredom beneath a radiant countenance and leads me to understand that my society gives her inexpressible joy.  I wonder why.

She is always be-guide-philosopher-and-friending me.  I resent it.  A man of forty does not need the counsels of an elderly woman destitute of intellect.  I believe there are some women who are firmly convinced that their sheer sex has imbued them with all the qualities of genius.  To-day my aunt tackled me on the subject of marriage.  I ought to marry.  I asked why.  It appeared it was every man’s duty.

“From what point of view?” I asked.  “The mere propagation of the human race, or the providing of a superfluous young woman with a means of livelihood?  If it is the former, then, in my opinion, there are too many people in the world already; and if the latter, I’m afraid I’m not sufficiently altruistic.”

“You are so funny!” laughed my aunt.