Looking back now, I am inclined to treat myself tenderly.  Whether I should have drunk the poison, if the accident had not occurred, I cannot say.  At the moment of my rush I intended to do so.  After the catastrophe, which I attributed to the curse of ineffectuality that pursued me, I must confess that I was glad.  Not that life looked more attractive than before, but that the decision had been taken out of my hands.  I could not go about the shops of Verona buying prussic acid or revolvers or metres of stout rope.  And my razors (without Stenson’s care) were benignantly blunt, and I would not condescend to braces.  I groaned and pished and pshawed, but as it was written that I was to live, I resigned myself to a barren and theoryless existence.

After a day or two the vital instinct asserted itself more strongly.  I became inspired by an illuminating revelation.  I had a preliminary aim in life.  I would go out into the world in search of a theory.  When found I would apply it to the regulation of the score and a half years during which I might possibly expect to remain on this planet.  I must take my chances of it leading me to the corpse of another Polyphemus.

As it struck me I should not find my theory in Italy, I packed up my belongings and hastened from Verona.  At Naples I picked up a Messageries Maritimes steamer and began a circular tour in the Levant.  At Alexandretta I went ashore, and inquired my way to the dwelling of the Prefect of Police.  I did not call on Hamdi Effendi.  But I wandered round the walls and wondered in a moody, heart-achey way where it was that Carlotta sat when Harry came along and whistled her like a tame falcon to his arm.  It was a white palace of a house with a closed balcony supported on rude corbels and tightly shuttered.  At the back spread a large garden surrounded by the famous wall.  There was no doubt that Hamdi was a wealthy personage, and that Carlotta’s nurture had been as gentle as that of any lady in Syria.  But the place wherein Carlotta’s childhood had been sheltered had an air of impenetrable mystery.  I stood baffled before it, as I had stood so often before Carlotta’s soul.  The result of this portion of my search was the discovery, not of a new theory, but of an old pain.  I went back to the ship in a despondent mood, and caused deep distress to one of the gentlest creatures I have ever met.  He was a lean, elderly German, who no matter what the occasion or what the temperature wore a long, tight-buttoned frock-coat, a narrow black tie, and a little bluish-grey felt hat adorned with a partridge’s feather which gave him an air of forlorn rakishness.  His name was Doctor Anastasius Dose, and he spent a blameless life in travelling up and down the world, on behalf of a Leipsic firm of which he was a member, in search of rare and curious books.  For there are copies of books which have a well-known pedigree like famous jewels, and whose acquisition, a matter of infinite tact, gives rise, I was told by Herr Dose, to the most exquisite thrill known to man.  He brought me on that morose afternoon a copy of the “Synonima,” in Italian and French, of St. Fliscus, printed by Simon Magniagus of Milan in 1480, and opened the vellum covers with careful fingers.