CHAPTER XXI

MRS ASKERTON’S GENEROSITY

The death of the old man at Belton Castle had been very sudden.  At three o’clock in the morning Clara had been called into his room, and at five o’clock she was alone in the world having neither father, mother, nor brother; without a home, without a shilling that she could call her own with no hope as to her future life, if as she had so much reason to suppose Captain Aylmer should have chosen to accept her last letter as a ground for permanent separation.  But at this moment, on this saddest morning, she did not care much for that chance.  It seemed to be almost indifferent to her, that question of Lady Aylmer and her anger.  The more that she was absolutely in need of external friendship, the more disposed was she to reject it, and to declare to herself that she was prepared to stand alone in the world.

For the last week she had understood from the doctor that her father was in truth sinking, and that she might hardly hope ever to see him again convalescent.  She had therefore in some sort prepared herself for her loneliness, and anticipated the misery of her position.  As soon as it was known to the women in the room that life had left the old man, one of them had taken her by the hand and led her back to her own chamber.  ’Now, Miss Clara, you had better lie down on the bed again you had indeed; you can do nothing sitting up.’  She took the old woman’s advice, and allowed them to do with her as they would.  It was true that there was no longer any work by which she could make herself useful in that house in that house, or, as far as she could see, in any other.  Yes; she would go to bed, and lying there would feel how convenient it would be for many persons if she also could be taken away to her long rest, as her father, and aunt, and brother had been taken before her.

Her name and family had been unfortunate, and it would be well that there should be no Amedroz left to trouble those more fortunate persons who were to come after them.  In her sorrow and bitterness she included both her Cousin Will and Captain Aylmer among those more fortunate ones for whose sake it might be well that she should be made to vanish from off the earth.  She had read Captain Aylmer’s letter over and over again since she had answered it, and had read nearly as often the copy of her own reply and had told herself, as she read them, that of course he would not forgive her.  He might perhaps pardon her, if she would submit to him in everything; but that she would not submit to his commands respecting Mrs Askerton she was fully resolved and, therefore, there could be no hope.  Then, when she remembered how lately her dear father’s spirit had fled, she hated herself for having allowed her mind to dwell on any. thing beyond her loss of him.