“Heaven has nothing to do with my pig!” rejoined the major.  “Nor do I think this talking of heaven, while keeping him in bondage, will amount to much.  Come! turn him out, be a christian, practice what you preach, and trust to heaven for the reward, as you would have me do!” To this the elder replied somewhat testily, that he would keep the animal fast locked up until the damages were settled, notwithstanding his faith in future rewards was in nowise shaken.  I entered the bar room and found the major thrusting his hands into the huge pockets of his trowsers, walking round the elder, who was a man of meek aspect, and singularly lean of figure.  Then canting his head with an air of self complacency, he enjoined the elder not to separate his works from his faith.

No sooner had the major caught a glance of me, than he approached, saluted me as became his military rank, and drew me aside to show me how handsomely the Patriot had recorded his arrival.  This done, he commenced recounting the causes of his dispute with the parson, who would every few minutes speak up, and dispute the truth of his assertion, which so displeased the major, that had the parson been a fighting man, he would have challenged him to mortal combat, as it is called.  As it was, he contented himself with getting in a passion, and swearing to have revenge, though it cost him six years’ separation from his wife, Polly Potter.

Although famous for his disregard of truth, the major affected never to have his word disputed, and was at all times ready to draw his sword in its defence.  “Heaven, as you know, knows all things, sir,” said he, addressing himself to me; “and it knows me incapable of doing a dishonorable act.  And therefore I say to you, for I hold it an honor and no disgrace to be a politician, that if you will hear patiently the cause of my dispute with this parson, I will accept your decision in the matter as final.  But, heaven save the mark! use your judgment a little, sir, and be not like some of our judges, who seek to please those who promise most, and having little virtue, ask you to accept their good advice in excuse for their evil example.”  The major having said this with an air of conciliation, gave his head a significant toss, and his trowsers, which had got loose about his hips, a few twitches into place.

It now came to the parson’s turn to speak.  He shook his head at first, and was not a little reluctant about acceding to such terms; but on being assured of my position as a politician, who had done so much for Cape Cod, and the hard cider campaign, he resolved to accept my decision as final.  Meanwhile, the major had screwed up his courage, and was making a circle round the parson, and loudly calling upon the landlord to bear witness that it had been his motto through life to wrong no man.