I thought to get my living by teaching school; but the shafts of scandal followed me, and the honest and simple-minded villagers thought it wise not to have their children taught by one who had attempted the virtue of an innocent.  I saw nothing but to take to politics, which I did much against my sense of self respect, it being a profession requiring those who followed it to live a vagabond life, as well as to become the associate of vagabonds and mischief making priests.  I took a strong part in a presidential campaign” ("Jist like me,” interrupted the major), “and being on the successful side, as wise men always are, I went to Washington in the hope that my services would be rewarded by a grateful government.  But in this there was a mistake, for the government seemed to have forgotten every thing but the slanders against my character; and though the hussy whose oath had sealed my doom was removed to Washington, where she was atoning for her outraged virtue by practicing the arts of the fair but frail, it neither lessened the sting of my misfortunes, nor restored me my character.  She had sworn falsely, when her morals were no better than they should be.  She now offered to do me justice by swearing to the truth; but so public had become the character she bore, that though she might swear to the truth of her own falsehood a thousand times, no one would believe her.  It was curious to see the anomaly of my position; for while I could have poured out a flood of lamentations at the want of virtue in Congress, no one valued my own of sufficient weight to be recommended for an office.  Congress, that had no virtue, or if it had, its quality was too hard for use, was for ever standing in admiration of its beauty and whiteness, as a member or two since expelled had been pleased to call it, and was as scrupulous of having it called in question as a coy damsel.  I who had virtues, was cast out because the color of it, as seen through the spectacles of my enemies, was not as white as alabaster.  Ah, I have wiped the sweat from my fevered brow, and thought what a wrong-headed world we had-many a time!  Every man has a history worth relating, or he must be a poor being in the measure of his kind; but I am afraid mine is becoming barren of entertainment.”

I had myself become interested in the swine driver’s melancholy, and joining with the major, begged he would proceed with his story.  “I took my misfortunes like a philosopher, knowing full well that heaven would grant me mercy in time of need.  I had nearly spent, in Washington, the last dollar paid me for lecturing during the campaign, when the jade who had caused all my troubles, hearing of my poverty, came to me, fell upon her knees, implored my forgiveness, and offered to share with me the fruits of her infamy.  I freely forgave her; nor could I forbear to shed a tear at the honesty of her repentance.  But her gold I bid her give, as had been a custom with her, to her friends, in places so high that the source