On the following day, the general mounted his faithful horse, and with Mr. Tickler on his mule, proceeded to review his army of vagabonds.  And though he complimented them on the great perfection of their drill, and bid them esteem themselves the heroes of no end of victories, they were in truth as awkward a set of fellows as ever shouldered musket, in short, not one of them knew how to take the first move in forming a section, though they could rob hen roosts and banana fields with a facility truly remarkable.  And now, as the noon-day sun was oppressive enough to dissolve all their brains, the general ordered his second in command, one Absolam Broadbottom, to say to the army that he would march at nightfall.  And when nightfall came, the army commenced its march, and was followed by the general, who cut such a shabby figure, when surrounded by his staff, that the whole army was ready to dissolve with laughter.  In short the Commander-in-Chief afforded them an amount of amusement that quite compensated for the loss of hen-roosts.  As a truthful historian I must not forget to mention that the general, like a good and discreet warrior, kept at a respectful distance in the rear, ordering at the same time that the country in advance be well scoured, lest some lurking portion of the enemy’s army come upon them by surprise, doing serious damage before he could get his army in trim for making them dance again.

When they had travelled many miles, displaying great courage under all sorts of trials, the general suddenly discovered that he had lost his secretary, which sad misfortune he began to bewail in right good earnest.  “I would have you know, Broadbottom,” said he, addressing his second in command, “that the success of our undertaking will be hazarded without him, for he is a man of great learning.”

“Umph!” returned Broadbottom, “if victories are to be gained only by your men of great learning, our country will have little to boast of in that line.  It is now midnight, and I would suggest a halt for the night.”

The general replied that the suggestion was an excellent one, and bid him act upon it.  “You must know sir,” said he, “that it is so many years since I have had aught to do with an army, that my memory needs much refreshing on these small matters.”  He also ordered Broadbottom to detach a file of men and send them in search of his secretary, which order was forthwith executed, to the great delight of those composing it, who instead of troubling themselves about the secretary, were resolved on spending the night at a ranch where dancing was to be had.