he said, that no man could doubt his being a real and not a sham hero of the Mexican War.  “It does not become me to speak of myself, gentlemen,” said the major, in conclusion, “but if there was a war in Mexico I was not in, it was not worth calling a war; and as for politics, why I have made twenty-eight speeches in a month, and you may learn of their quality by inquiring of the people of Barnstable, who used to praise them enough, God knows.”

It being past midnight, the two sober generals withdrew, undecided as to the major’s mental qualities, and left him with General Benthornham, whom he found no difficulty in soon talking into a profound sleep.  And this the major, who was not so far gone as to forget what belonged to good manners, regarded as an indignity no really great military man could suffer to pass unresented.  He thereupon mounted his three cornered hat and stalked out of the room, in the hope of finding his own and going quietly to bed.  But such was the labyrinth of passages, that he lost his way, and mistook for his own the bedroom of a fellow boarder, which was natural enough considering the state of his optics.  And though it was an hour when every honest husband should be dividing his bed with his better half, and all suspicions set at rest with the lock on the door fast secured, the major found no difficulty in entering this room, which he did with as little ceremony as he would drive his tin wagon.  But no sooner had he begun to doff his wardrobe, than a figure quite resembling a ghost, with a pale, round face, and two eyes of great luster, flamed in the crimped border of a very white nightcap, rose up in the bed, and with an air of bewilderment, said, “Charles, my dear, here it is almost morning, and you are but just home.  O, Charles!”

“Please, my good woman,” spoke the major, pausing, and looking surprised at the strange object he fancied in his bed, “you might find better business than this.  You must know, I am a man of family, and have a wife, which is enough for any honest man.  So if you will just take yourself away like an honest woman, as I would have every one of your sex, I will say no more, for I have heard of these tricks, and am not ready to be robbed of my character.”

The figure now gave sundry screams, which echoed and reechoed along the passages, and brought not only the watchmen of the house, but a dozen or more boarders, all in their night dresses, and nearly frightened out of their wits, to the scene of distress.  Several courageous ladies, with threatening gestures, ventured to say he ought to be well hanged, (the good for nothing fellow!) for attempting such liberties at that hour.  Others said military men were all alike.

“Hi! hi! what’s here to do?” exclaimed the head watchman, a burly fellow of forty, as he made his way through a barricade of night gowns.  “Come, sir, you must take yourself away from here.  You have insulted the lady; have intruded yourself where you have no right; and if you get not away before her husband comes, he will cut you to bits.” ("He is a Georgian, and would rather have his wife dead than another man make free with her,” whispered a bystander, as the watchman admonished the major by taking him by the arm.)