“Pray, sir, reserve your anger, for you have not had time to fully comprehend his many good qualities,” replied the major, not a little grieved at the landlord’s remarks.

He next visited his pig, who rose quickly to his feet, and commenced making signs of friendship to his master.  “This pig, I assure you, sir,” said the major, “was brought up in the care of the clergy, was the lead pig of one Felix Shulbert, a poor parson, who on losing his church took to the business of swine driving.”  The landlord was much amused at the simplicity with which the major related the history of this wonderful pig, who now came jumping out of his cage, to the great delight of numerous bystanders, and cut up so many queer pranks that they were ready to swear him possessed of the devil.  He would run to the major on hearing his name called; he would turn somersets; he would walk on his hinder feet; he would point with his nose to any letter of the alphabet he was commanded; and, no doubt, with a little more training, he could have delved the mysteries of destiny with a facility that neither medium nor clairvoyant could have excelled.  If, then, the lookers on were at first delighted, they now stood amazed, and declared that so sensible an animal had never before been brought to the city.  “I have been told, sir,” said the major with an air of self-satisfaction, “that you have in your city one Barnum, a man of much note, who is reputed to have become rich of dealing in deformed monstrosities, and though an honest man enough as the world goes, has had a strange history written of himself.  And this history, I am told, has been much praised by the critics, though truly it is nothing but a tissue of certain deceptions practiced upon a credulous public-”

“You are right, there,” interrupted the landlord; “he has made fools of so many of his fellows, that his imitators regard his tricks as so many virtues, which the public are ready to applaud.  But as your pig is truly a wonder, you will do well to get him in the hands of this clever gentleman, for then his fame will be blown trumpet tongued over the land, people will rush to see him, and the critics, being well paid, will write all sorts of things of his talents.  You may then let the devil take the rest, which is the way the world goes.”

And while they were thus conversing, this clever man stalked in, much to the surprise of every one present, though it was said of him, that he could smell a monstrosity at the distance of a hundred miles.  After fixing his scrutinizing eye upon the animal, and witnessing several of his tricks, which he performed with great agility, he commenced casting reflections upon his performances, saying he had talent enough, but it was of so crude a kind, that he would require no end of practice before it would do to bring him before a discriminating audience.  As for the critics, it was no hard matter to keep them right; but it might give rise to a question at the Press Club, that would seriously endanger its harmony.  He, however, began to inquire what the major thought about terms.  To use a vulgarism very common at this day, he began to “pump him,” in regard to the value of the animal’s services.  And here I must leave him for the present.