A boat on the sea is beautiful.  Yet it is not built for beauty.  Every graceful line of it is a utility, is designed to perform work.  It is created for the express purpose of dividing the water in front of it, of gliding over the water beneath it, of leaving the water behind it—­and all with the least possible wastage of stress and friction.  It is not created for the purpose of filling the eye with beauty.  It is created for the purpose of moving through the sea and over the sea with the smallest resistance and the greatest stability; yet, somehow, it does fill the eye with its beauty.  And in so far as a boat fails in its purpose, by that much does it diminish in beauty.

I am still a long way from the house I have in my mind some day to build, yet I have arrived somewhere.  I have discovered, to my own satisfaction at any rate, that beauty and utility should be one.  In applying this general idea to the building of a house, it may be stated, in another and better way; namely, construction and decoration must be one.  This idea is more important than the building of the house, for without the idea the house so built is certain to be an insult to intelligence and beauty-love.

I bought a house in a hurry in the city of Oakland some time ago.  I do not live in it.  I sleep in it half a dozen times a year.  I do not love the house.  I am hurt every time I look at it.  No drunken rowdy or political enemy can insult me so deeply as that house does.  Let me tell you why.  It is an ordinary two-storey frame house.  After it was built, the criminal that constructed it nailed on, at the corners perpendicularly, some two-inch fluted planks.  These planks rise the height of the house, and to a drunken man have the appearance of fluted columns.  To complete the illusion in the eyes of the drunken man, the planks are topped with wooden Ionic capitals, nailed on, and in, I may say, bas-relief.

When I analyze the irritation these fluted planks cause in me, I find the reason in the fact that the first rule for building a house has been violated.  These decorative planks are no part of the construction.  They have no use, no work to perform.  They are plastered gawds that tell lies that nobody believes.  A column is made for the purpose of supporting weight; this is its use.  A column, when it is a utility, is beautiful.  The fluted wooden columns nailed on outside my house are not utilities.  They are not beautiful.  They are nightmares.  They not only support no weight, but they themselves are a weight that drags upon the supports of the house.  Some day, when I get time, one of two things will surely happen.  Either I’ll go forth and murder the man who perpetrated the atrocity, or else I’ll take an axe and chop off the lying, fluted planks.