Mrs. S.—­’I feel sure he has.’

J.C.  P.—­’I don’t deny that my father tells me I must not shrink from it; that some things seem to point to it as natural; that I must not venture to think that I can be as complete a judge as the Bishop of what is good for Melanesia—­but what necessity for acting now?’

Here came an interruption, but the conversation was renewed later in the day with the Bishop himself, when Patteson pleaded for delay on the score that the isles were as yet in a state in which a missionary chaplain could do all that was requisite, and that the real management ought not to be withdrawn from the Bishop; to which the reply was that at the present time the Bishop could do much to secure such an appointment as he wished; but, in case of his death, even wishes expressed in writing might be disregarded.  After this, the outpouring to the father continues:—­

’I don’t mean to shrink from this.  You tell me that I ought not to do so, and I quite believe it.  I know that no one can judge better than you can as to the general question, and the Bishop is as competent to decide on the special requirements of the case.

’But, my dear father, you can hardly tell how difficult I find it to be, amidst all the multiplicity of works, a man of devotional prayerful habits; how I find from time to time that I wake up to the fact that while I am doing more than I did in old times, yet that I pray less.  How often I think that “God gives” habitually to the Bishop “all that sail with him;” that the work is prospering in his hands; but will it prosper in mine?  I know He can use any instrument to His glory:  I know that, and that He will not let my sins and shortcomings hinder His projects of love and blessing to these Melanesian islanders; but as far as purity of motive, and a spirit of prayer and self-denial do go for anything in making up the qualification on the human side for such an office—­in so far, do they exist in me?  You will say I am over sensitive and expect too much.  That, I think, very likely may be true.  It is useless to wait till one becomes really fit, for that of course I never shall be.  But while I believe most entirely that grace does now supply all our deficiencies when we seek it fully, I do feel frightened when I see that I do not become more prayerful, more real in communion with God.  This is what I must pray for earnestly:  to become more prayerful, more constantly impressed with the necessity of seeking for everything from Him.

’You all think that absence from relations, living upon yams, want of the same kind of meat and drink that I had at home, that these things are proofs of sincerity, &c.  I believe that they all mean just nothing when the practical result does not come to this—­that a man is walking more closely with his God.  I dare not say that I can feel humbly and reverently that my inner life is progressing.  I don’t think that I am as earnest in prayer as I was.  Whether it be the effect of the amount of work distracting me; or, sometimes, of physical weariness, or of the self-indulgence (laugh as you may) which results from my never being contradicted or interfered with, or much worried, still I do feel this; and may He strengthen me to pray more for a spirit of prayer.