Sir, quoth the Lawyer, not to flatter ye, 675
You have as good and fair a battery
As heart can wish, and need not shame
The proudest man alive to claim. 
For if th’ have us’d you as you say;
Marry, quoth I, God give you joy. 680
I wou’d it were my case, I’d give
More than I’ll say, or you’ll believe. 
I would so trounce her, and her purse;
I’d make her kneel for better or worse;
For matrimony and hanging here 685
Both go by destiny so clear,
That you as sure may pick and choose,
As Cross, I win; and, Pile, you lose;
And, if I durst, I would advance
As much in ready maintenance, 690
As upon any case I’ve known,
But we that practise dare not own. 
The law severely contrabands
Our taking bus’ness off men’s hands;
’Tis common barratry, that bears 695
Point-blank an action ’gainst our ears
And crops them till there is not leather
To stick a pin in left of either;
For which some do the Summer-sault,
And o’er the bar, like tumblers, vault, 700
But you may swear, at any rate,
Things not in nature, for the State;
For in all courts of justice here
A witness is not said to swear,
But make oath; that is, in plain terms, 705
To forge whatever he affirms.

(I thank you, quoth the Knight, for that,
Because ’tis to my purpose pat —­ )
For Justice, though she’s painted blind,
Is to the weaker Side inclin’d, 710
Like Charity; else right and wrong
Could never hold it out so long,
And, like blind Fortune, with a slight
Convey mens’ interest and right
From Stiles’s pocket into Nokes’s, 715
As easily as Hocus Pocus;
Play fast and loose; make men obnoxious,
And clear again, like Hiccius Doctius. 
Then whether you wou’d take her life,
Or but recover her for your wife, 720
Or be content with what she has,
And let all other matters pass,
The bus’ness to the law’s alone,
The proof is all it looks upon: 
And you can want no witnesses 725
To swear to any thing you please,
That hardly get their mere expences
By th’ labour of their consciences;
Or letting out to hire their ears
To affidavit customers, 730
At inconsiderable values,
To serve for jury-men or tallies,
Although retain’d in th’ hardest matters,
Of trustees and administrators.

For that, quoth he, let me alone; 735
W’ have store of such, and all our own;
Bred up and tutor’d by our teachers,