“I do not know that,” answered the other, “nor do I care; it is enough to know that every day men are called upon to face the shuddering reality of existence in some such form as that.  And the question which it brought to my heart is, if it came to me, as terrible as that, and as sudden and implacable, would I show myself the man or the dastard?  And that filled me with a fearful awe and humility, and a guilty wonder whether somewhere in the world there might not be a wall from which I should be throwing myself, instead of nursing my illness as I do, and being content to read about greatness.  And oh, I tell you, when I think of such things as that, and see the pride and worthlessness of this thing that men call ‘high life,’ it seemed to me no longer heedless folly, but dastardly and fiendish crime, so that one can only bury his face in his hands and sob to know of it.  And William, the more I realized it, the more unbearable it seemed to me that this glorious girl with all her God-given beauty, should be plunging herself into a stream so foul.  I felt as if it were cowardice of mine that I did not take her by the hand and try to make her see what madness she was doing.”

“Why do you not?” asked the lieutenant.

“I think I should have, in my more Quixotic days,” replied the other, sadly; “and perhaps some day I may find myself in a kind of high life where royal sincerity is understood.  But in this world even an idealist has to keep a sense of humor, unless he happens to be dowered with an Isaiah’s rage.”

Mr. Howard paused for a moment and laughed slightly; then, however, he went on more earnestly:  “Yet, as I think of it, I know that I could frighten her; I think that if I should tell her of some of the days and nights that I have spent in tossing upon a bed of fire, she might find the cup of her selfishness a trifle less pleasant to drink.  It is something that I have noticed with people, that they may be coarse or shallow enough to laugh at virtue and earnestness, but there are very few who do not bow their heads before suffering.  For that is something physical; and they may harden their conscience if they please, but from the possibility of bodily pain they know that they can never be safe; and they seem to know that a man who has walked with that demon has laid his hand upon the grim reality of things, before which their shams and vanities shrink into nothingness.  The sight of it is always a kind of warning of the seriousness of life, and so even when people feel no sympathy, they cannot but feel fear; I saw for instance, that the first time this girl saw me she turned pale, and she would not come anywhere near me.”

As the speaker paused again, Lieutenant Maynard said, very quietly:  “I should think that would be a hard cross to bear, David.”