“Look here,” said Bill, “you’re labourin’ under an error.  This ain’t a riot at all.  This is merely two puddin’-thieves gettin’ a hidin’ for tryin’ to steal our Puddin’.”

“Puddin’-thieves! " exclaimed the Mayor.  “Don’t tell me that puddin’-thieves have come to Tooraloo.

“It staggers me with pain and grief,
  I can’t believe it’s true,
That we should have a puddin’-thief
  Or two in Tooraloo.

“It is enough to make one dumb
  And very pale in hue
To know that puddin’-thieves should come
  To sacred Tooraloo.

“The Law’s just anger must appear. 
  Ho! seize these scoundrels who
Pollute the moral atmosphere
  Of rural Tooraloo.”

“We protest against these cruel words,” said the Possum.  “We have been assaulted and battered and snout-bended by ruffians of the worst description.”

“How can Your Worship say such things,” said the Wombat, “and us a-wearin’ bell-toppers before your very eyes.”

“If you’ve been assaulted and battered,” said the Mayor, “we shall have to arrest the assaulters and batterers as well.”

“What’s fair to one is fair to all,” said the Constable.  “You’ll admit that, of course?” he added to Bill.

“I admit nothin’ of the sort,” said Bill.  “If you want to arrest anybody, do your duty and arrest these here puddin’-snatchers.

“If you’re an officer of the Law,
  A constant felon-catcher,
Then do not hesitate before
  A common puddin’-snatcher.”

“We call on you to arrest these assaulters and batterers of people wearing top-hats,” said the puddin’-thieves;

“Our innocence let all attest,
  We prove it by our hatter;
It is your duty to arrest
Not those in top-hats of the best,
  But those who top-hats batter.”

“It’s very clear that somebody has to be arrested,” said the Mayor.  “I can’t be put to the trouble of wearing my robes of office in public without somebody having to pay for it.  I don’t care whether you arrest the top-hat batterers, or the battered top-hatterers; all I say is, do your duty, whatever happens—­

“So somebody, no matter who,
  You must arrest or rue it;
As I’m the Mayor of Tooraloo,
And you’ve the painful job to do,
  I call on you to do it.”

“Very well,” said the Constable, peevishly, “as I’ve got to take all the responsibility, I’ll settle the matter by arresting the Puddin’.  As far as I can see, he’s the ringleader in this disturbance.”

“You’re a carrot-nosed poltroon,” said the Puddin’ loudly.  “As for the Mayor, he’s a sausage-shaped porous plaster,” and he gave him a sharp pinch in the leg.

“What a ferocious Puddin’,” said the Mayor, turning as pale as a turnip.  “Officer, do your duty and arrest this dangerous felon before he perpetrates further sacrilegious acts.”

“That’s all very well, you know,” said the Constable, turning as pale as tripe; “but he might nip me.”