[A GREAT CONFUSION IS HEARD OF THE PIGS OUT OF DOORS, WHICH COMMUNICATES ITSELF TO THOSE WITHIN.  DURING THE FIRST STROPHE, THE DOORS OF THE STY ARE STAVED IN, AND A NUMBER OF EXCEEDINGLY LEAN PIGS AND SOWS AND BOARS RUSH IN.]

SEMICHORUS 1: 
No!  Yes!

SEMICHORUS 2: 
Yes!  No!

SEMICHORUS 1: 
A law!

SEMICHORUS 2: 
A flaw!

SEMICHORUS 1: 
Porkers, we shall lose our wash, 115
Or must share it with the Lean-Pigs!

FIRST BOAR: 
Order! order! be not rash! 
Was there ever such a scene, Pigs!

AN OLD SOW (RUSHING IN): 
I never saw so fine a dash
Since I first began to wean Pigs. 120

SECOND BOAR (SOLEMNLY): 
The Queen will be an angel time enough. 
I vote, in form of an amendment, that
Purganax rub a little of that stuff
Upon his face.

PURGANAX [HIS HEART IS SEEN TO BEAT THROUGH HIS WAISTCOAT]: 
Gods!  What would ye be at?

SEMICHORUS 1: 
Purganax has plainly shown a 125
Cloven foot and jackdaw feather.

SEMICHORUS 2: 
I vote Swellfoot and Iona
Try the magic test together;
Whenever royal spouses bicker,
Both should try the magic liquor. 130

AN OLD BOAR [ASIDE]: 
A miserable state is that of Pigs,
For if their drivers would tear caps and wigs,
The Swine must bite each other’s ear therefore.

AN OLD SOW [ASIDE]: 
A wretched lot Jove has assigned to Swine,
Squabbling makes Pig-herds hungry, and they dine 135
On bacon, and whip Sucking-Pigs the more.

CHORUS: 
Hog-wash has been ta’en away: 
If the Bull-Queen is divested,
We shall be in every way
Hunted, stripped, exposed, molested; 140
Let us do whate’er we may,
That she shall not be arrested. 
QUEEN, we entrench you with walls of brawn,
And palisades of tusks, sharp as a bayonet: 
Place your most sacred person here.  We pawn 145
Our lives that none a finger dare to lay on it. 
Those who wrong you, wrong us;
Those who hate you, hate us;
Those who sting you, sting us;
Those who bait you, bait us; 150
The ORACLE is now about to be
Fulfilled by circumvolving destiny;
Which says:  ’Thebes, choose REFORM or CIVIL WAR,
When through your streets, instead of hare with dogs,
A CONSORT QUEEN shall hunt a KING with Hogs, 155
Riding upon the IONIAN MINOTAUR.’

NOTE: 
154 streets instead edition 1820.

[ENTER IONA TAURINA.]