....  If you meet a man on the narrow crossing of a muddy street, stand quite still.  He will turn out and go round you, bowing his apologies.  It is courtesy to accept them.

....  If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg at noon to-day, the country might be successfully invaded at one o’clock by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.

....  To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil; and to pictures of the latter it has appended a tail, to represent the note of interrogation.

....  We speak of the affections as originating in instinct.  This is a miserable subterfuge to shift the obloquy from the judgment.

....  What we call decency is custom; what we term indecency is merely customary.

....  The noblest pursuit of Man is the pursuit of Woman.

....  “Immoral” is the solemn judgment of the stalled ox upon the sun-inspired lamb.  “Items” From the press of interior California.

....  A little bit of romance has just transpired to relieve the monotony of our metropolitan life.  Old Sam Choggins, whom the editor of this paper has so often publicly thrashed, has returned from Mud Springs with a young wife.  He is said to be very fond of her, and the way he came to get her was this: 

Some time ago we courted her, but finding she was “on the make,” threw her off, after shooting her brother and two cousins.  She vowed revenge, and promised to marry any man who would horsewhip us.  This Sam agreed to undertake, and she married him on that promise.

We shall call on Sam to-morrow with our new shot-gun, and present our congratulations in the usual form.—­Hangtown “Gibbet.”

....  The purposeless old party with the boiled shirt, who has for some days been loafing about the town peddling hymn-books at merely nominal prices (a clear proof that he stole them), has been disposed of in a cheap and satisfactory manner.  His lode petered out about six o’clock yesterday afternoon; our evening edition being delayed until that time, by request.  The cause of his death, as nearly as could be ascertained by a single physician-Dr. Duffer being too drunk to attend-was Whisky Sam, who, it will be remembered, delivered a lecture some weeks ago entitled “Dan’l in the Lion’s Den; and How They’d aEt ’Im ef He’d Ever ben Ther”—­in which he triumphantly overthrew revealed religion.

His course yesterday proves that he can act as well as talk.—­Devil Gully “Expositor.”

....  There was considerable excitement, in the street yesterday, owing to the arrival of Bust-Head Dave, formerly of this place, who came over on the stage from Pudding Springs.  He was met at the hotel by Sheriff Knogg, who leaves a large family, and whose loss will be universally deplored.  Dave walked down the street to the bridge, and it reminded one of old times to see the people go away as he heaved in view.  It was not through any fear of the man, but from the knowledge that he had made a threat (first published in this paper) to clean out the town.  Before leaving the place Dave called at our office to settle for a year’s subscription (invariably in advance) and was informed, through a chink in the logs, that he might leave his dust in the tin cup at the well.