But there is a limit beyond which muscle, whether that of the arm or cheek, can no further go, without too great an expenditure of force in proportion to the volume of noise attainable.  And right here the splendid triumphs of modern invention and discovery are made manifest; electricity and gunpowder come to the relief of puny muscle, simple appliance, and orchestras limited by sparse population.  Batteries of artillery thunder exultingly our victory over Primeval Man, beaten at his own game-signally routed and put to shame, pounding his impotent gong and punishing his ridiculous kettledrum in frantic silence, amidst the clash and clang and roar of modern art.  The Good Young Man.

Why is he?  Why defaces he the fair page of creation, and why is he to be continued?  This has never been explained; it is one of those dispensations of Providence the design whereof is wrapped in profoundest obscurity.  The good young man is perhaps not without excuse for his existence, but society is without excuse for permitting it.  At his time of life to be “good” is to insult humanity.  Goodness is proper to the aged; it is their sole glory; why should this milky stripling bring it into disrepute?  Why should he be permitted to defile with the fat of his sleek locks a crown intended to adorn the grizzled pow of his elders?

A young man may be manly, gentle, honourable, noble, tender and true, and nobody will ever think of calling him a good young man.  Your good young man is commonly a sneak, and is very nearly allied to that other social pest, the “nice young lady.”  As applied to the immature male of our kind, the adjective “good” seems to have been perverted from its original and ordinary signification, and to have acquired a dyslogistic one.  It is a term of reproach, and means, as nearly as may be, “characterless.”  That any one should submit to have it applied to him is proof of the essential cowardice of Virtue.

We believe the direst ill afflicting civilization is the good young man.  The next direst is his natural and appointed mate, the nice young lady.  If the two might be tied neck and heels together and flung into the sea, the land would be the fatter for it.  The Average Parson.

Our objection to him is not that he is senseless; this-as it concerns us not-we can patiently endure.  Nor that he is bigoted; this we expect, and have become accustomed to.  Nor that he is small-souled, narrow, and hypocritical; all these qualities become him well, sitting easily and gracefully upon him.  We protest against him because he is always “carrying on.”

To carry on, in one way or another, seems to be the function of his existence, and essential to his health.  When he is not doing it in the pulpit he is at it in the newspapers; when both fail him he resorts to the social circle, the church meeting, the Sunday-school, or even the street corner.  We have known him to disport for half a day upon the kerb-stone, carrying on with all his might to whomsoever would endure it.