A pedagogue in Indiana, who was “had up” for unmercifully waling the back of a little girl, justified his action by explaining that “she persisted in flinging paper pellets at him when his back was turned.”  That is no excuse.  Mr. Grile once taught school up in the mountains, and about every half hour had to remove his coat and scrape off the dried paper wads adhering to the nap.  He never permitted a trifle like this to unsettle his patience; he just kept on wearing that gaberdine until it had no nap and the wads wouldn’t stick.  But when they took to dipping them in mucilage he made a complaint to the Board of Directors.

“Young man,” said the Chairman, “ef you don’t like our ways, you’d better sling your blankets and git.  Prentice Mulford tort skule yer for more’n six months, and he never said a word agin the wads.”

Mr. Grile briefly explained that Mr. Mulford might have been brought up to paper wads, and didn’t mind them.

“It ain’t no use,” said another Director, “the children hev got to be amused.”

Mr. Grile protested that there were other amusements quite as diverting; but the third Director here rose and remarked: 

“I perfeckly agree with the Cheer; this youngster better travel.  I consider as paper wads lies at the root uv popillar edyercation; ther a necessary adjunck uv the skool systim.  Mr. Cheerman, I move and second that this yer skoolmarster be shot.”

Mr. Grile did not remain to observe the result of the voting.  Retribution.

A citizen of Pittsburg, aged sixty, had, by tireless industry and the exercise of rigid economy, accumulated a hoard of frugal dollars, the sight and feel whereof were to his soul a pure delight.  Imagine his sorrow and the heaviness of his aged heart when he learned that the good wife had bestowed thereof upon her brother bountiful largess exceeding his merit.  Sadly and prayerfully while she slept lifted he the retributive mallet and beat in her brittle pate.  Then with the quiet dignity of one who has redressed a grievous wrong, surrendered himself unto the law this worthy old man.  Let him who has never known the great grief of slaughtering a wife judge him harshly.  He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone-and let it be a large heavy stone that shall grind that wicked old man into a powder of exceeding impalpability.  The Faithful Wife.

“A man was sentenced to twenty years’ confinement for a deed of violence.  In the excitement of the moment his wife sought and obtained a divorce.  Thirteen years afterward he was pardoned.  The wife brought the pardon to the gate; the couple left the spot arm in arm; and in less than an hour they were again united in the bonds of wedlock.”