“Not you—­of all women!” Jim said dully, as if to himself.

“I know how you feel,” Julia said without emotion, “because of course I feel that way, too—­now!  And I never loved him, never even thought I did!  It was only a little while—­two weeks or three, I guess—­before I told him I couldn’t ever love him.  I said I thought I might, but it was like—­like realizing that I had been throwing away gold pieces for dimes.  Do you know what I mean?  And the most awful disgust came over me, Jim—­a sort of disappointment, that this talked-of and anticipated thing was no more than that!  And then I came here, and I knew that keeping still about it was my only chance, and oh, how sick I was, soul and body, for a fresh start!  And then your aunt talked to me, and said what a pity it is that young girls think of nothing but love and lovers, and so throw away their best years, and I thought that I was done with love; no more curiosity—­no more thrill—­and that I would do something with my life after all!”

Her voice dropped, and again there was silence in the room.  Jim continued to pace the floor.

“Why, there’s never been a morning at St. Anne’s that I haven’t looked at those girls,” Julia presently resumed, “and said to myself that I might have been there, with my head shaved and a green check dress on!  Lots of them must be better than I!”

“Don’t!” Jim said sharply, and there was a silence until Julia said wonderingly: 

“Isn’t it funny that all last night, and the night before, I thought I was going to die, telling you this—­and now it just doesn’t seem to matter at all?”

“That’s why you’ve never married?” Jim said, clearing his throat.

“I’ve never wanted to until now,” Julia said.  “And I—­I am so changed now that somehow I would never think of that—­that bad old time, in connection with marriage!  It was as if that part of my life was sealed beyond opening again—­

“And then you came.  I only wanted no one to guess that I cared at first.  And then, when I saw that you were beginning to care, too, oh, my God!  I thought my heart would burst!”

And with sudden terrible passion in her voice, she got up in her turn and began to pace the room.  Jim, who had flung himself into a chair opposite hers, rested his elbows on the table, and his face in his hands.

“But I feel this about your caring for me, Jim,” Julia said.  “In a strange, mysterious way I feel that giving you up—­giving you up, my best and dearest, is purification!  When—­when this is over, I shall have paid!  It may be”—­tears flooded her eyes, and she came back to her chair and laid her head on her arm—­“it may be that I can’t bear it, and that I will die!” sobbed Julia.  “But I shall always be glad that I told you this to-night!” There was a long silence, and then again Jim came to kneel beside her, and put one arm about her.

“My own little girl!” said he.  At his voice Julia raised her head, and put her arms about his neck like a weary child, and rested her wet face against his own.