Johnny. Ah! Tell me all about your beastly time; it’ll do you good. You and I are different from anybody else in this house. We’ve lived they’ve just vegetated. Come on; tell me!
Faith, who up to
now has looked on him as a young male, stares at
him for the first time
without sex in her eyes.
Faith. I can’t. We didn’t talk in there, you know.
Johnny. Were you fond of the chap who—?
Faith. No. Yes. I suppose I was—once.
Johnny. He must have been rather a swine.
Faith. He’s dead.
Johnny. Sorry! Oh, sorry!
Faith. I’ve forgotten all that.
Johnny. Beastly things, babies; and absolutely unnecessary in the present state of the world.
Faith. [With a faint smile] My baby wasn’t beastly; but I—I got upset.
Johnny. Well, I should think so!
Faith. My friend in the manicure came and told me about hers when I was lying in the hospital. She couldn’t have it with her, so it got neglected and died.
Johnny. Um! I believe that’s quite common.
Faith. And she told me about another girl—the Law took her baby from her. And after she was gone, I—got all worked up— [She hesitates, then goes swiftly on] And I looked at mine; it was asleep just here, quite close. I just put out my arm like that, over its face—quite soft— I didn’t hurt it. I didn’t really. [She suddenly swallows, and her lips quiver] I didn’t feel anything under my arm. And—and a beast of a nurse came on me, and said “You’ve smothered your baby, you wretched girl!”
I didn’t want to kill it—I only wanted
to save it from living. And when
I looked at it, I went off screaming.
Johnny. I nearly screamed when I saved my first German from living. I never felt the same again. They say the human race has got to go on, but I say they’ve first got to prove that the human race wants to. Would you rather be alive or dead?
Faith. Alive.
Johnny. But would you have in prison?
Faith. I don’t know. You can’t tell anything in there. [With sudden vehemence] I wish I had my baby back, though. It was mine; and I—I don’t like thinking about it.
Johnny. I know. I hate to think about
anything I’ve killed, really.
At least, I should—but it’s better
not to think.
Faith. I could have killed that judge.
Johnny. Did he come the heavy father? That’s what I can’t stand. When they jaw a chap and hang him afterwards. Or was he one of the joking ones?
Faith. I’ve sat in my cell and cried
all night—night after night,
I have. [With a little laugh] I cried all the softness
out of me.