diff’rent fr’m bein’ annywhere on th’ ice.  Th’ on’y way ye know ye’re there is be consultin’ a pocket arithmetic, a watch an’ a compass.  Don’t get it into ye’er head that if me frind Baldwin or Peary iver wint north iv Milwaukee an’ come acrost th’ North Pole they’d carve their names on it or hist a flag over it or bring it home with thim on a thruck an’ set it up on th’ lake front.  Th’ north pole is a gigantic column iv cold air, some says hot, an’ an enthusyastic explorer that wasn’t lookin’ where he wint might pass right through it without knowin’.

“In th’ arly days whin an explorer wint off to find th’ Pole, he bought himsilf a sheepskin coat, a couple iv dogs, a pair iv skates, an’ a bottle iv pickled onions an’ set out bravely, an’ th’ people watched th’ fam’ly to see what other form th’ lunacy wud take.  Afther awhile he ayether come back or he didn’t.  Sometimes th’ Esqueemo lady didn’t care to lave her pleasant home in th’ land iv perpetchool blubber an’ in that case th’ hardy mariner remained in th’ frozen north.  I niver cud see th’ advantages iv life in th’ Artic regions.  ‘Tis thrue th’ nights is six months long an’ sleep is wan iv th’ spoorts that age hasn’t deprived me iv.  It mus’ be a gr-reat counthry f’r burglars.  But f’r a plain wurrukin’ man it’s very thryin’.  Think iv a six months’ wurrukin’ day.  Ye get ye’er breakfast at sun-up in March an’ ye don’t set down to dinner till th’ first iv June.  Thin comes a long afthernoon an’ I tell ye whin th’ whistle blows at six o’clock October, it’s a welcome sound it sinds to ye’er ears.  Ye go home an’ all th’ childher has growed up an’ th’ news in th’ mornin’ pa-per is six months’ old.  Ye lie around readin’ an’ playin’ cards f’r a month or two an’ thin ye yawn an’ set th’ alarm clock f’r March an’ says:  ‘Mah, it’s th’ fifteenth iv Novimber an’ time th’ childher was abed,’ an’ go to sleep.  About Christmas th’ good woman wakes ye up to look f’r th’ burglar an’ afther ye’ve paddled around in th’ ice floe f’r a week, ye climb back into bed grumblin’ an’ go to sleep again.  Afther awhile ye snore an’ th’ wife iv ye’er bosom punches ye.  ‘What time is it?’ says ye.  ’It’s a quarther past th’ fifteenth iv Janooary,’ says she, ‘an’ that siren iv ye’ers has been goin’ since New Year’s day.’  At March ye ar-re aroused be th’ alarm clock an’ ye go out to feed th’ seals an’ I tell ye, ye need a shave.  It mus’ be a quare sinsation to wake up in th’ mornin’ an’ find that th’ kid ye tucked into bed th’ night befure has grown side-whiskers in his sleep an’ his feet has pushed out th’ foot iv th’ cradle.  Not f’r my money, Hinnissy.  Th’ Artic regions f’r thim that likes thim but give me a land where ye don’t tell th’ time iv day be th’ almynac.