th’ reg’lations iv th’ army an’ must be thried.  ’Who will me brave frind have go through with this here austere but hail-fellow inquiry?’ ‘Oh, annywan will do.  Anny iv th’ gallant lift’nants iv me brigade will do,’ says Gin’ral Mike.  So th’ Gin’ral is put on thrile an’ a frind iv his addhresses th’ coort.  ‘Gintlemen,’ says he, ‘th’ question befure th’ coort is not so much did our gallant leader hammer th’ coon as whether our flag wanst stuck up where we have wathered so many precious citizens shall iver come down. (Th’ coort:  ‘No, no!’) That’s th’ pint.  What do th’ people at home who know nawthin’ about this here war, excipt what we tell thim, what do they mane be subjectin’ this here hayro, gray an’ bent with infirmities but pretty spry at that, to this ignominy?  He has fought f’r thim an’ what have they done f’r him?  In more thin wan year he has on’y risen fr’m th’ rank iv captain to brigadier gin’ral an’ his pay is less thin twinty times what it was. (Here th’ coort weeps.) I ast ye, I ast ye, ye fine little boys, is it meet an’ proper, nay, is it meat an’ dhrink f’r us, to punish him?’

“An’ th’ coort puts th’ vardict iv acquittal in th’ shape iv th’ pop’lar song ‘F’r he’s a jolly good fellow’ an’ adds a ricommindation that Harvard colledge is gettin’ too gay annyhow.

“That’s th’ diff’rence between sojer an’ polisman.  Why is it that th’ fair sect wudden’t be seen talkin’ to a polisman, but if ye say ‘Sojer’ to thim, they’re all out iv th’ window but th’ feet?  I want to know.”

“I can’t tell,” said Mr. Hennessy.  “I heerd a frind iv Willum J. Bryan say we was in danger iv havin’ thim run th’ counthry like they do in—­in Germany, d’ye mind.”

“Niver fear,” said Mr. Dooley.  “There’s too manny Gilligans not in th’ ar-rmy f’r that.”

King Edward’s Coronation

“Now that th’ king iv Great Britain an’ Ireland, but Ireland don’t know it, an’ th’ Dominyons beyond th’ sea, f’r awhile, has been cawrnated,” said Mr. Dooley, “we can raysume where we left off.”

“So it has been done at last, has it?” said Mr. Hennessy.

“Yes,” said Mr. Dooley, “in th’ prisince iv th’ mos’ illusthrees iv his subjects, except me frind Whitelaw Reid, he was cawrnated las’ Saturdah.  ’Tis too bad it was put off.  ’Twas got up, d’ye mind, f’r th’ thrue an’ staunch subjects on this side iv th’ wather.  Th’ king didn’t need it.  He’s been king all th’ time.  A lot iv us knew it.  All he had to do anny time was to take his caubeen fr’m th’ rack, but his subjects fr’m beyond th’ sea wanted to see a cawrnation, an’ they cudden’t convaniently have wan here where th’ counthry is still run be univarsal suffering an’ there are a good manny shootin’ gall’ries, an’ annyhow he thought he’d like to keep on good terms with th’ Captains iv Industhry f’r fear they might get mad an’ put his furniture out into th’ channel an’ use th’ island f’r storin’ ex-prisidints.  So he got up th’ cawrnation.  An’ afther all, most iv thim didn’t see it.  They had to come home here where they were born an’ lave th’ land where they expict to die an’ will, too, if they an’ us have luck.