Prince Henry’s Reception

“That Prince Hinnery seems to be havin’ a good time,” said Mr. Hennessy.

“He’s havin’ th’ time iv his life,” said Mr. Dooley.  “Not since th’ Hohnezollern fam’ly was founded be wan iv th’ ablest burglars iv th’ middle ages has anny prince injyed such a spree as this wan.  Ye see, a prince is a gr-reat man in th’ ol’ counthry, but he niver is as gr-reat over there as he is here.  Whin he’s at home he’s something th’ people can’t help an’ they don’t mind him.  He’s like an iron lamp post, station’ry, ornymintal, an’ useful to let people know where they are.  But whin he comes to this home iv raypublican simplicity, he’s all that th’ wurrud prince wud imply, an’ it implies more to us thin to annywan else.  I tell ye, we’re givin’ him th’ best we have in th’ shop.  We’re showin’ him that whativer riv’rince we may feel tow’rd George Wash’nton, it don’t prejudice us again’ live princes.  Th’ princes we hate is thim that are dead an’ harmless.  We’ve rayceived him with open arms, an’ I’ll say this f’r him, that f’r a German he’s a good fellow.

“That’s as far as I care to go, havin’ lived f’r manny years among th’ Germans.  I’m not prejudiced again’ thim, mind ye.  They make good beer an’ good citizens an’ mod-rate polismen, an’ they are fond iv their fam’lies an’ cheese.  But wanst a German, always Dutch.  Ye cudden’t make Americans iv thim if ye called thim all Perkins an’ brought thim up in Worcester.  A German niver ra-aly leaves Germany.  He takes it with him wheriver he goes.  Whin an Irishman is four miles out at sea he is as much an American as Presarved Fish.  But a German is niver an American excipt whin he goes back to Germany to see his rilitives.  He keeps his own language, he plays pinochle, he despises th’ dhrink iv th’ counthry, his food is sthrange an’ he on’y votes f’r Germans f’r office, or if he can’t get a German, f’r somewan who’s again’ th’ Irish.  I bet ye, if ye was to suddenly ask Schwarzmeister where he is, he’d say:  ‘At Hockheimer in Schwabia.’  He don’t ra-aly know he iver come to this counthry.  I’ve heerd him talkin’ to himsilf.  He always counts in German.

“But I say about Prince Hinnery that f’r a German he’s all right an’ I’m glad he come.  I hear he wrote home to his brother that is th’ Imp’ror over there:  ’Dear Willum:  This is a wondherful counthry, an’ they’ve give me a perfectly killin’ rayciption.  I’ve almost died laughin’.  We was met forty miles out at sea be a band on a raft playin’ th’ Watch on th’ Rhine.  We encountered another band playin’ th’ same plazin’ harmony ivry five miles till we got up to New York.  I wisht I had come over on a man-iv-war.  In th’ Bay we was surrounded be a fleet iv tugs carryin’ riprisintatives iv th’ press, singin’ th’ Watch on th’ Rhine.  I rayceived siveral offers through a migaphone to write an article about what ye say in ye’er sleep f’r th’ pa-apers, but I declined