But from the day that I heard of the dreadful occurrences in our fatherland, my thoughts have been occupied only with anxiety and longing for it and my dear ones.  Malfatti gives himself useless trouble in trying to convince me that the artist is, or ought to be, a cosmopolitan.  And, supposing this were really the case, as an artist I am still in the cradle, but as a Pole already a man.  I hope, therefore, that you will not be offended with me for not yet having seriously thought of making arrangements for a concert.

What affected Chopin most and made him feel lonely was the departure of his friend Woyciechowski, who on the first news of the insurrection returned to Poland and joined the insurgents.  Chopin wished to do the same, but his parents advised him to stay where he was, telling him that he was not strong enough to bear the fatigues and hardships of a soldier’s life.  Nevertheless, when Woyciechowski was gone an irresistible home-sickness seized him, and, taking post-horses, he tried to overtake his friend and go with him.  But after following him for some stages without making up to him, his resolution broke down, and he returned to Vienna.  Chopin’s characteristic irresolution shows itself again at this time very strikingly, indeed, his letters are full of expressions indicating and even confessing it.  On December 21, 1830, he writes to his parents:—­

   I do not know whether I ought to go soon to Italy or wait a
   little longer?  Please, dearest papa, let me know your and the
   best mother’s will in this matter.

And four days afterwards he writes to Matuszynski:—­

You know, of course, that 1 have letters from the Royal Court of Saxony to the Vice-Queen in Milan, but what shall I do?  My parents leave me to choose; I wish they would give me instructions.  Shall I go to Paris?  My acquaintances here advise me to wait a little longer.  Shall I return home?  Shall I stay here?  Shall I kill myself?  Shall I not write to you any more?

Chopin’s dearest wish was to be at home again.  “How I should like to be in Warsaw!” he writes.  But the fulfilment of this wish was out of the question, being against the desire of his parents, of whom especially the mother seems to have been glad that he did not execute his project of coming home.

I would not like to be a burden to my father; were it not for this fear I should return home at once.  I am often in such a mood that I curse the moment of my departure from my sweet home!  You will understand my situation, and that since the departure of Titus too much has fallen upon me all at once.

The question whether he should go to Italy or to France was soon decided for him, for the suppressed but constantly-increasing commotion which had agitated the former country ever since the July revolution at last vented itself in a series of insurrections.  Modena began on February 3,1831, Bologna, Ancona, Parma, and Rome followed.  While the “where to go” was thus settled, the “when to go” remained an open question for many months to come.  Meanwhile let us try to look a little deeper into the inner and outer life which Chopin lived at Vienna.