April 17, 1830.—­In my unbearable longing I feel better as soon as I receive a letter from you.  To-day this comfort was more necessary than ever.  I should like to chase away the thoughts that poison my joyousness; but, in spite of all, it is pleasant to play with them.  I don’t know myself what I want; perhaps I shall be calmer after writing this letter.

Farther on in the same letter he says:—­

How often do I take the night for the day, and the day for the night!  How often do I live in a dream and sleep during the day, worse than if I slept, for I feel always the same; and instead of finding refreshment in this stupor, as in sleep, I vex and torment myself so that I cannot gain strength.

It may be easily imagined with what interest one so far gone in love watched the debut of Miss Gladkowska as Agnese in Paer’s opera of the same name.  Of course he sends a full account of the event to his friend.  She looked better on the stage than in the salon; left nothing to be desired in her tragic acting; managed her voice excellently up to the high j sharp and g; shaded in a wonderful manner, and charmed her slave when she sang an aria with harp accompaniment.  The success of the lady, however, was not merely in her lover’s imagination, it was real; for at the close of the opera the audience overwhelmed her with never-ending applause.  Another pupil of the Conservatorium, Miss Wolkow, made her debut about the same time, discussions of the comparative merits of the two ladies, on the choice of the parts in which they were going to appear next, on the intrigues which had been set on foot for or against them, &c., were the order of the day.  Chopin discusses all these matters with great earnestness and at considerable length; and, while not at all stingy in his praise of Miss Wolkow, he takes good care that Miss Gladkowska does not come off a loser:—­

Ernemann is of our opinion [writes Chopin] that no singer can easily be compared to Miss Gladkowska, especially as regards just intonation and genuine warmth of feeling, which manifests itself fully only on the stage, and carries away the audience.  Miss Wolkow made several times slight mistakes, whereas Miss Gladkowska, although she has only been heard twice in Agnese, did not allow the least doubtful note to pass her lips.

The warmer applause given to Miss Wolkow did not disturb so staunch a partisan; he put it to the account of Rossini’s music which she sang.

When Chopin comes to the end of his account of Miss Gladkowska’s first appearance on the stage, he abruptly asks the question:  “And what shall I do now?” and answers forthwith:  “I will leave next month; first, however, I must rehearse my Concerto, for the Rondo is now finished.”  But this resolve is a mere flash of energy, and before we have proceeded far we shall come on words which contrast strangely with what we have read just now.