“I remained, after reading this, in a state which it would be difficult to describe; for even now I know not the nature of the feelings which then agitated me.  It was one of those unique situations of which others can never have experienced anything even approaching to similarity.  It is impossible to explain it, because other persons can have no idea of its nature; and one can hardly even analyse it to oneself.  Memory furnishes nothing that will connect it with the past, and therefore ordinary language is inadequate to describe it.  Whatever was its nature, however, it is certain that grief, hate, jealousy, and shame entered into its composition.  Fortunate would it have proved for me if love also had not been a component part!

“`That she loves me,’ I exclaimed, `I can believe; but could she, without being a monster, hate me?  What right can man ever have to woman’s affections which I had not to Manon’s?  What is left to me, after all the sacrifices I have made for her sake?  Yet she abandons me, and the ungrateful creature thinks to screen herself from my reproaches by professions of love!  She pretends to dread starvation!  God of love, what grossness of sentiment!  What an answer to the refinement of my adoration!  I had no dread of that kind; I, who have almost sought starvation for her sake, by renouncing fortune and the comforts of my father’s house!  I, who denied myself actual necessaries, in order to gratify her little whims and caprices!  She adores me, she says.  If you adored me, ungrateful creature, I well know what course you would have taken; you would never have quitted me, at least without saying adieu.  It is only I who can tell the pangs and torments, of being separated from all one loves.  I must have taken leave of my senses, to have voluntarily brought all this misery upon myself.’

“My lamentations were interrupted by a visit I little expected; it was from Lescaut. `Assassin!’ cried I, putting my hand upon my sword, `where is Manon? what have you done with her?’ My agitation startled him.  He replied, that if this was the reception he was to meet, when he came to offer me the most essential service it was in his power to render me, he should take his leave, and never again cross my threshold.  I ran to the door of the apartment, which I shut. `Do not imagine,’ I said, turning towards him, `that you can once more make a dupe of me with your lies and inventions.  Either defend your life, or tell me where I can find Manon.’ `How impatient you are!’ replied he; `that was in reality the object of my visit.  I came to announce a piece of good fortune which you little expected, and for which you will probably feel somewhat grateful.’  My curiosity was at once excited.