all of these things, and they do not amuse me, though
I confess that I thought they would. I feel in
this rather as Tennyson felt—that I dislike
contemptuous criticism, and do not value praise—except
the praise of a very few, the masters of the craft.
And this one does not get, because the great men are
mostly too much occupied in producing their own masterpieces
to have the time or inclination to appraise others.
Yet I am sure there is a vile fibre of ambition lurking
in me, interwoven with my nature, which I cannot exactly
disentangle. I very earnestly desire to do good
and fine work, to write great books. If I genuinely
and critically approved of my own work, I could go
on writing for the mere pleasure of it, in the face
of universal neglect. But one may take it for
granted that unless one is working on very novel and
original lines—and I am not—the
good qualities of one’s work are not likely
to escape attention. The reason why Keats, and
Shelley, and Tennyson, and Wordsworth were decried,
was because their work was so unusual, so new, that
conventional critics could not understand it.
But I am using a perfectly familiar medium, and there
is a large and acute band of critics who are looking
out for interesting work in the region of novels.
Besides I have arrived at the point of having a vogue,
so that anything I write would be treated with a certain
respect. Where my ambition comes in is in the
desire not to fall below my standard. I suppose
that while I feel that I do not rate the judgment
of the ordinary critic highly, I have an instinctive
sense that my work is worthy of his admiration.
The pain I feel is the sort of pain that an athlete
feels who has established, say, a record in high-jumping,
and finds that he can no longer hurl his stiffening
legs and portly frame over the lath. Well, I
have always held strongly that men ought to know when
to stop. There is nothing more melancholy and
contemptible than to see a successful man, who has
brought out a brood of fine things, sitting meekly
on addled eggs, or, still worse, squatting complacently
among eggshells. It is like the story of the
old tiresome Breton farmer whose wife was so annoyed
by his ineffective fussiness, that she clapt him down
to sit on a clutch of stone eggs for the rest of his
life. How often have I thought how deplorable
it was to see a man issuing a series of books, every
one of which is feebler than its predecessor, dishing
up the old characters, the stale ideas, the used-up
backgrounds. I have always hoped that some one
would be kind and brave enough to tell me when I did
that. But now that the end seems to have come
to me naturally and spontaneously, I cannot accept
my defeat. I am like the monkey of whom Frank
Buckland wrote, who got into the kettle when the water
was lukewarm, and found the outer air so cold whenever
he attempted to leave it, that he was eventually very
nearly boiled alive. The fact that my occupation
is gone leaves life hollow to the core. Perhaps