“Rest, then, and rest
    And think of the best,
    ’Twixt summer and spring,
    When no birds sing.”

That is what I desire to do, and cannot.  It is as though some creeper that had enfolded and enringed a house with its tendrils, creeping under window-ledges and across mellow brickwork, had been suddenly cut off at the root, and hung faded and lustreless, not even daring to be torn away.  Yet I am alive and well, my mind is alert and vigorous, I have no cares or anxieties, except that my heart seems hollow at the core.

January 12, 1889.

I have had a very bad time of late.  It seems futile to say anything about it, and the plain man would rub his eyes, and wonder where the misery lay.  I have been perfectly well, and everything has gone smoothly; but I cannot write.  I have begun half-a-dozen books.  I have searched my notes through and through.  I have sketched plots, written scenes.  I cannot go on with any of them.  I have torn up chapters with fierce disgust, or have laid them quietly aside.  There is no vitality in them.  If I read them aloud to any one, he would wonder what was wrong—­they are as well written as my other books, as amusing, as interesting.  But it is all without energy or invention, it is all worse than my best.  The people are puppets, their words are pumped up out of a stagnant reservoir.  Everything I do reminds me of something I have done before.  If I could bring myself to finish one of these books, I could get money and praise enough.  Many people would not know the difference.  But the real and true critic would see through them; he would discern that I had lost the secret.  I think that perhaps I ought to be content to work dully and faithfully on, to finish the poor dead thing, to compose its dead limbs decently, to lay it out.  But I cannot do that, though it might be a moral discipline.  I am not conscious of the least mental fatigue, or loss of power—­quite the reverse.  I hunger and thirst to write, but I have no invention.

The worst of it is that it reveals to me how much the whole of my life was built up round the hours I gave to writing.  I used to read, write letters, do business in the morning, holding myself back from the beloved task, not thinking over it, not anticipating the pleasure, yet aware that some secret germination was going on among the cells of the brain.  Then came the afternoon, the walk or ride, and then at last after tea arrived the blessed hour.  The chapter was all ready to be written, and the thing flowed equably and clearly from the pen.  The passage written, I would turn to some previous chapter, which had been type-written, smooth out the creases, enrich the dialogue, retouch the descriptions, omit, correct, clarify.  Perhaps in the evening I would read a passage aloud, if we were alone; and how often would Maud, with her perfect instinct, lay her finger on a weak place, show me that something was abrupt or lengthy, expose an unreal emotion, or, best of all,